


The Network Part 2

by Jadders92



Series: The Network [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gavin the Robot, Gen, Hallucinations, Heartache, Lonliness, New Beginnings, Pain, Recovery, Reunions, Secret Identity, Super Soldier Serum, husband and wife, progress - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:10:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadders92/pseuds/Jadders92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years on from the Battle of New York and things are very different for both you and Phil. Can you save each other from a life of lonliness? Or are you just too different now?</p><p>Here it is, the second instalment in the Network series. I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to comment/leave suggestions for future chapters.</p><p>If you would like to contact me, the way to do so is through this email: jadders92@hotmail.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Battle

You knew you should have trusted your instincts. You should have just pushed harder and told Phil exactly what was going through your head. That something was wrong with the world, something big was coming. It was too late now though, he was gone.

You stood at the funeral not as his wife, but as someone who knew him. Two weeks ago, you were making love to him in a hotel room after getting married and falling in love with him all the more. But now, you were a sad mourner standing at his grave and wishing a million different things that wouldn’t matter.

‘What happens now?’ Garcia asked as the last mourner left the grave site.

‘I need to call in a favour.’ You said, you made your decision. You weren’t going to let anyone stand in your way anymore.

 

The five days had been glorious, you spent the time laughing and dancing and making love as husband and wife and you never wanted to go back home. You wanted to stay in Madrid forever and be happy forever.

‘Will you love me forever?’ You had asked, standing at the edge of the balcony and feeling the cool breeze circle your body. Phil slipped his warm hands around your waist, kissing your neck.

‘Until my dying day.’ He murmured seductively before taking you to bed for the second time that day. 

You had made promises to each other in those precious few days, that no matter how different you were, no matter what SHIELD or the Network required you to do, no matter how often you fought over your jobs or how frustrating you both were, you would never go to bed angry and you would never stop loving each other.

But it seemed that life would be cut short. You got back home and the war had already begun, you didn’t have time to tell Pepper or Tony that you had gotten married, you didn’t even have time to see them before the sky opened up. You called El Hijo and told him to keep the Caretaker safe at all costs, that you were right in the middle of New York and hell was raining down. 

You did what you could, you got people out and you saved as many as you could. You took a communicator from a fallen SHIELD agent and listened in to what was going on at the top. You took your bike and you rode into the middle of the city to help. Phil had kissed you hard and told you to leave as soon as you could, that you should go to one of Tony’s apartments outside the city and wait for him there. But you couldn’t just run away, you couldn’t just let these people die while you ran away from the fight.

So you stayed, you fought and you bled, you saved a bus load of people, by dragging the bus to safety with your bike. You rode back in and tried to do more, but it was only when you were lifting your bike again to ride down the road you had just cleared that the message came through.

‘Agent Coulson is down.’ You stilled. You waited and nothing happened. Maybe it was a different Agent Coulson, maybe it was a mistake, maybe he was just injured and he would recover. You could live with that, you could live by his bedside for the next year if that was how long his recovery would be, but you couldn’t live without him.

 

‘I’m here to see Director Fury.’ You told the receptionist. You didn’t bother changing from your funeral clothes. You needed to do this now.

‘I’m afraid he's busy.’ She said, almost shocked that you would ask such a thing.

‘Tell him the Kid is here.’ You said, much more firmly, the lump in your throat still refusing to shift.

She huffed a little before going in to inform Fury that you were here.

‘You can go in.’ She said and you ignore the look of annoyance she had on her face.

You walked straight into Fury’s office and could see him struggling to move around, he had been on the helicarrier throughout most of the battle, but as you had heard, it was hardly an easy position to be in.

‘I’m sorry.’ It was the first thing he said as you sat down in front of his desk.

You scoffed at him.

‘I’m calling in that favour.’ You got straight to the point. ‘I want you to put me on the list of dead and I want you to never look for me or anyone else in the Network.’

Fury just watched you curiously. ‘You’re going dark.’

‘I am.’

‘What if I need your help?’

‘You don’t get my help anymore.’ You scowled. ‘You don’t get anything from me anymore. I’m going dark and I promise you’ll never hear from me again. Don’t ever try to contact me and don’t ever try to find me. I’ll know if you do.’ 

You stood up and left the office with your head held high, you weren’t going to leave him with the memory of you being a sulking child, you were a strong woman and now you were a ghost. 

 

Garcia had taken care of most of the preparations. He had taken an old SHIELD base off of the records and ensured it was safe for you to take over, so that’s what you did. 

It was another couple of weeks before you were ready to leave. You hadn’t spoken to Pepper or Tony and you hadn’t gone back to your lab, you just left everything there. You weren’t going to need it anymore.

Garcia drove you both to the base and you kept an eye on the roads to check you weren’t being followed. Everything you owned was in the back of the truck you were driving including your bike and laptops. You were starting your new life, the one you had spent six years building, you just never imagined it would begin with heart ache as painful as this.


	2. A Magical Place

‘What do you mean she’s dead?’ Phil said, hoarsely. He had woken up after the surgery to repair his heart and the first question on his lips was his wife, he was only awake for a few minutes. ‘She went to Tony’s apartment, she should be waiting for me.’

‘Phil, she didn’t leave.’ Fury said, calmly. ‘Her name is on the list of dead, I’m sorry. She stayed to help get people away from the fighting, saved a bus load of people in the process. She was a hero to a lot of people, you should be proud.’

Phil just stared up at the ceiling. He never should have left Madrid, he never should have left her. He felt his heart swell to an abnormal size, his throat went dry and he hoped to God that if this was true, that she didn’t die in pain. Phil turned his head, feeling the lump in his throat getting bigger, he could see his wedding ring sitting on the side table, it had a small blood stain on the inside and he felt sick.

He wished they hadn’t repaired his heart, he wished they had just left him to die and to be with her again. He was never much of a religious man, but if there was a God, he was cruel to let him continuing living without her.

Phil spent the next couple of months recovering in TAHITI. It was beautiful and he wished she could have been there with him to see it. It was a magical place.


	3. Bower

The Network was doing well, it had been two years since the battle. SHIELD had fallen and you felt your heart swell again. It was like losing Phil all over again, to see the one thing he held dear being destroyed from the inside out. You could only imagine how he would have done everything in his power to resist and do whatever was necessary to save as many people as possible.

You had sent El Hijo back to Spain and told him to keep an eye on the Network from there, that it was more secure for you to be apart, if one of you fell the other would still be there to take over and rebuild.

He had wired accounts to fund your Network from all over the world, governments paid out a small sum to the private sector every year and you took small amounts of that money to keep yourselves up and running. 

You had only had one bad experience with your Network and it was maybe only a month after SHIELD fell, you had been captured by HYDRA scientists and they had injected you with a small amount of super soldier serum.

It was a rookie mistake, you didn’t check your blind spot and had been knocked out from behind after infiltrating one of the labs. You were looking for a piece of information that would lead you to one of the mercenaries that had been causing a lot of trouble in your part of the world, but came up short.

You woke to find yourself strapped into a machine and Dr Bower wandering around with that greasy smile on his face. You felt your head ready to explode and tried to wriggle free, but it was no good, you were strapped in tight, you weren’t going anywhere.

‘Ah, you’re awake.’ Bower sang. ‘How wonderful, this will be much more informative with you fully aware of what is happening.’ Bower came in close and you could smell his rank breath on your face. ‘I am so glad they found you Agent Sixteen, we have spent a long time trying to find you and finally we have done it. A computer hacker, that’s all you are, it’s a wonder you have managed to stay hidden for this long, but no more hiding, now you are in the light for all to see.’ A huge flood light came on and you were blinded, but you knew you were being watched by more than just Bower and the scientists around him.

‘What are you doing?’ You asked feebly, you knew it was no good, but maybe someone would say something to warn you of what was about to happen.

‘This will be painful.’ Bower called, he was much further away now. ‘I cannot wait to hear you screaming.’ 

You felt a dozen injections pierce your skin and it was as if a warmth rushed through your veins, there was no pain, just a small amount of pleasure and your fear only increased. It was like tiny daggers slowly tearing into every cell in you body, you writhed and screamed and blacked out more times than you could count. Bower was in your face on occasion and you lashed out harder, your skin was so sensitive but lying still was torture in itself.

You had no idea how long you stayed like that, days most likely, just screaming and crying, but soon the tears dried up and it was just pain. You lost all will and energy to even fight against it anymore and simply remained still, feeling the pain wash over you again and again until finally it stopped.

‘Careful, she may have had a positive reaction to the serum.’ You heard Bower say. You were being unstrapped from the machine and felt your body go limp. ‘Take her to the examination room, I’ll need to check the results.’

Two people dragged your exhausted body into a warm white room and lifted you onto a much more comfortable bed, your eyes were so sensitive to the bright white walls, you shut your eyes tight and felt someone strapping your hands down again and you knew immediately it was far from over. 

‘Agent Sixteen.’ Bower said and you could hear the familiar snap of him slipping on gloves. ‘It’s curious that nothing is known about you, you are what SHIELD refers to as an 084. An object of unknown origin. Well, now you have one. You have been injected with a very old idea, the idea that we at HYDRA can create super soldiers, something we have only succeeded at once and now twice.’ So that was what he was doing to you, turning you into a super soldier. ‘We of course need to check its effects, your strength, speed, healing rate should have increased as well as other factors that we will have to monitor closely. But to begin, I would like to check how fast you heal when confronted with a fatal injury.’

Your eyes snapped open. Pain began radiating from your leg, the scalpel made its way up your thigh, over your hip and ended half way up your stomach. You wailed loudly and felt the burning rage explode inside your chest. You had an undeniable hatred for this man and it would never go away.

For a week you remained tied to that bed, torture like you had never known before, pain every day, every hour and you couldn’t understand how no one had come for you yet. It was only when you heard the alarms had been triggered that you figured El Hijo must have realised what had happened. You often left for a few days at a time, but always checked in, this time you hadn’t.

Bower had panicked and ran from the room, you were just strong enough to pull yourself out of the straps and roll off of the bed. You scrambled towards the door to find everyone panicking like Bower had. You limped all the way to the garage and found your laptop and bag. Your bike was there as well and you could breathe a sigh of relief, you could escape, the nightmare was over.

Except it wasn’t. You hallucinated and your heart beat was irregular from then on. Your desires increased and you found yourself more motivated than before. Your heart hurt more when you looked at the picture of you and Phil and you missed him more than before. That was when you began looking into the super soldier serum, to find a cure for what Bower had done to you.

 

The base was bigger than you anticipated and you didn’t leave it that often, only when there was something important that you couldn’t use computers for. You spent most of your time in the lower parts of the base where there was once a garage you had turned it into your work space. 

The control room that looked over the main engineering section was your main office and you did most of your work from there. It was filled with screens and control panels. Your laptops were scattered around the floor and you had reprogrammed them to only contain what you could afford to lose if it fell into the wrong hands.

You had become more focussed and more motivated to rebuild yourself into someone that could protect your Network. You trained everyday against Gavin the cybernetic robot you had built to help you learn how to fight properly. He didn’t have a face or really much of a personality, but he was company enough for you. Gavin was also programmed to warn you of incoming threats when you were away from the work station and to help you build anything you needed help with.

The problems came when you made too much noise and HYDRA had begun attempting to recruit you. You wouldn’t have done it anyway, but you owed it to Phil to side with SHIELD on this occasion. 

Phil was a different matter altogether, you had begun hallucinating that he was there with you. He didn’t do much and you knew it wasn’t real, that it was a side effect of the serum and in all honesty you were lonely enough that you didn’t bother trying to resist seeing him.

You woke to the sharp ringing of your alarm at six in the morning and slipped on your shorts to begin your work out. You made coffee and drank it quickly before meeting Gavin in the training room. It was a small room that was probably an office once, but now a punch bag hung in the corner, mats lay in the middle and a treadmill sat in the corner. 

You put your music on and trained for two hours before showering and heading up to the control room. You had a small side project that was keeping your attention. You were looking for footage of what happened on the day of the battle of New York, something to tell you that Phil died a hero. You glanced at the picture you kept beside the computers, it was of you and Phil on your wedding day. The moment before he kissed you and remembered vividly that you had gone bright red, thinking on how much you wanted to be his.

You quickly wiped away the hot tear that ran down your face and imagined you were back in Madrid on your wedding night.

‘Be brave for me?’ You heard him so clearly in your mind. ‘God, you’re beautiful.’ He was beautiful, in every way. His strong chest and warm smile, his dark eyes just watching you and the way he would make sure you were okay, every step of the way. He was perfect and for a time, he was yours.


	4. Rosalind

Phil walked through his office in the old SHIELD building, stretching his hand that was still taking its time to adjust to the new sensations, he mourned the loss of Rosalind, but took note of how it didn’t feel the same as last time. He lost his wife, something not even May knew and it had killed him. This was different though, he didn’t feel his heart swelling the same way; he hurt and he cried and he knew he would miss Rosalind, but he would never have married her, he just wouldn’t for so many reasons.

‘We have something.’ Daisy stopped him in his tracks. He looked up at her and tried to make it seem like he wasn’t thinking on his dead wife. He could feel his ring in his pocket, he never used to carry it around, but since Rosalind, he kept it close. He didn’t really know why.

Daisy showed him and the team security footage of a figure inside one of the warehouses they had infiltrated a few weeks back. Someone was wandering around, looking for something. They were hooded and it was impossible to see their face. 

They found what they were looking for, a box that contained files on Steve Rodgers. Phil knew what was in those files and he knew that if anyone got their hands on that information it was only a bad thing. The figure took pictures with his phone and put the files back on the shelf before leaving the warehouse. He wandered off into a crowd and he was lost.

‘Do we have any idea who that was?’ Phil asked.

‘No clue.’ Daisy sighed. ‘But did you notice which files he was taking pictures of?’

‘Steve Rodgers.’ Phil nodded. ‘He put the files back which means he’s not interested in stealing the only copies of that information. Could be a mercenary wanting to sell copies to different buyers.’

‘Yeah, or just loves Captain America.’ Daisy smiled as if everyone was in on the joke.

‘So, why are we interested in Captain America now? I thought he was a good guy?’ Hunter asked.

‘Because, if someone is looking into the super soldier serum, it's not a good thing.’ Phil sighed. ‘Good work Daisy.’ He said and the team began dispersing. All except May.

‘You good?’

‘I’m fine.’ Phil dismissed the question and tried to get on with work.

‘Really? Because you look like you’re still grieving.’

‘Of course I’m grieving!’ Phil snapped. ‘Rosalind died on my watch, I was right there! How would you feel?!’

‘Phil, you need time off, you need to recover properly, you’re not coping.’ May tried to keep him calm, but she just wouldn’t get it. Not unless she knew everything and that would never happen.


	5. A Truck In Valencia

You looked over the pictures of the files and tried to understand the serum the way you needed so that you could find a way to either reduce the side effects or cure yourself. You had read everything you could on biology, physiology, cardiology, microbiology and so much more, trying to absorb the information and understand the way your body worked in order to find a way to go back to the way you were. The serum came in handy, but at times it was painful, it put a strain on your heart and you regularly had to keep it in check, taking all sorts of medication just to insure you wouldn’t have some kind of heart attack. For the most part you kept it under control though.

‘Looks complicated.’ Phil would say as he sat next to you checking his phone. He wasn’t real, he never was.

‘Yeah, I can’t work it out. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen.’ You agreed.

‘You seem stressed.’

‘It’s because I am.’ 

‘You want me to help relax you?’ He had that cheeky grin, he used to have and you laughed as he began disappearing. 

‘Thanks Phil.’ You whispered and sighed, looking down at the picture frame.

The research was hard to decipher and it was a long way off from a cure for your heart, but it was a start. You needed more though, more information and it seemed HYDRA was after similar information. You needed to get there first at all costs.

‘It’s here in Spain.’ El Hijo said, you could hear him sitting down at his desk and sipping his coffee to get him through the night. ‘In Valencia, they are transporting a hard drive that has a lot more than just the files from the early HYDRA and SHIELD days, TAHITI is on that drive. There’s only so much I can do, we need the Caretaker for this one.’

You sighed and rubbed your chest. ‘Okay, I’ll be there tomorrow.’ You hung up the phone and quickly made arrangements to get to Valencia the next day. You packed a bag that contained a laptop, a change of clothes and any other essentials you may have needed for the trip. You needed to get your hands on that hard drive before anyone else knew where it was.

According to El Hijo, it was being transported, along with various other crates full of equipment and supplies, out of Valencia and to a more secure location. The truck would have an escort of four cars surrounding it and guards in each one. The best course of action was to take out the fours cars first and then infiltrate the truck. You would need Blake for this one.

‘You’re still calling it Blake?’ El Hijo asked as you drove to the vantage point.

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘It's a bike. Why are you naming inanimate objects anyway?’

‘It comforts me.’ You smiled spotting the truck turning a corner down the road.

‘You spend far too much time alone.’ El Hijo chuckled. He was probably right, but it didn’t matter, not really. 

You sped off towards the truck and tapped away on the newly installed infiltration device on the main body of Blake. You could see a map of the cars’ route on your helmet screen and quickly scanned for any weak spots. Your plan was to take out the car’s engine and simply make them stop, before blowing off the doors to the truck; there was no need for any casualties, there rarely was. 

‘You’re approaching the location, be ready.’ El Hijo said and you quickly rode up besides each car in turn, subtly placing stoppers on the side of each bonnet and brought the car to a stop. You swerved in and out of the cars and without hesitation, you threw the explosive device on the doors and slowed down a little to stay clear of the swinging doors. Just like you researched, a ramp flew out and scraped across the ground leading up the truck. You drove up and stopped just inside the doors.

‘Well, this will be harder than expected.’ You said looking around at the boxes and crates, they were all too big to contain a single hard drive. You felt the truck speeding up as the driver began to panic.

‘I can’t find the hard drive,’ El Hijo said over the comms. ‘There’s too much interference. You need to get out of there.’

‘I’m not leaving without the hard drive.’ You said firmly and began looking around the different crates, trying to figure out which one it could be in. ‘I’ll need to take the truck.’ You said, realising that there was no other way.

‘Are you insane? We cannot hide a truck!’ 

‘Watch me.’ You said went to the back of the truck. You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder, climbing out of the truck and resealing the doors.

‘You’ve got company.’ El Hijo warned and as soon as he said it, you saw a car behind you, racing towards the truck. ‘Sixteen, you need to get yourself out of there.’

‘I can do this!’ You snapped. ‘Just give me a route back to the base and I’ll take care of the rest.’

A bullet ricocheted off of the door close to your leg and you looked back to see a woman you thought you recognised reloading her gun. You didn’t wait to find out who it was, instead you scrambled to the top of the truck and raced towards the passenger side door, sliding in and throwing your feet at the driver who fell out of the side of the truck.

‘He’s fine.’ El Hijo said keeping an eye on the situation. ‘I’m doing what I can to keep the hostiles off your tail, but it’s difficult when you insist on bringing the entire truck back to the base.’

‘I just need you to do as I ask, I told you I would take care of the rest.’ You ordered. You took a device from your bag and slammed it onto the wheel, El Hijo would do the driving for you, which meant you could deal with the people trying to shoot at you.

The car had driven up beside you which was possibly the biggest mistake they could have made. You took another stopper out of your bag and threw it at the hood of the car, before typing away on your laptop. The car stopped immediately and you just needed to go another few miles to the base.

‘You’re good.’ El Hijo sighed with relief.

‘Told you. I’m going back to see if I can find that hard drive, it's the only thing I care about, you can have the rest of what's in here.’

You did just that, climbing out of the driver’s side door and on top of the truck to get in the back again and start searching for the hard drive.


	6. The Kid is Dead

‘How did we lose a truck?’ Phil yelled, May had just arrived back on the bus with Mack.

‘This guy is trained. Probably a merc.’ May said, she was severely pissed off.

‘It had four HYDRA cars on it, how did one man take out all four cars and steal a truck?’ Phil couldn’t believe it. It was supposed to be simple, follow the truck back to the HYDRA base and scout it out, but yet again his plans had been stopped by one individual. ‘I’m getting tired of this guy getting in our way. Daisy, how close are we to finding out the identity of our merc?'

‘Not close enough,’ she answered, exhausted as well. ‘He always wears a hood or that helmet, which I’m pretty sure isn’t just a helmet.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘He was looking around like he wasn’t concentrating on the road in front of him, but more like he was searching for something else, like he wasn’t driving, but looking at a computer screen.’

Phil’s heart swelled just a little as it reminded him of the Kid and her bike.

‘And that bike is state of the art.’ She continued and brought up a close up of the bike. Phil’s heart sank, he knew that bike, he’d ridden that bike. ‘See something?’

Phil just watched as the figure rode up into the back of the truck and momentarily out of sight. ‘I know that motorcycle. I test drove the first one. It was made by a designer known as The Kid.’ He felt May take a step towards him. ‘She made a lot of things, built a lot of machines and that bike was one of them.’

‘So she’s the one riding it?’ Daisy concluded.

Phil shook his head sadly. ‘No, she died in the battle of New York. She’s gone.’ He sighed, playing with the ring in his pocket. ‘We need to find out who this guy is and put a stop to him, that bike and helmet is capable of some scary things on their own, I’d hate to think what would happen if he stole any of her other designs.’ Phil didn’t wait for a response, instead he left his team to go to his old office and think for a while.

‘I’ve heard of the Kid.’ Fitz suddenly said. ‘She had this Network, she was the only one SHIELD was ever able to identify.’

‘The Network?’ Mack asked. ‘That’s the thing Coulson was trying to take down before the battle wasn’t it? It would explain why he knows so much about this Kid.’

‘We should ask him a little more about her, try to get a background on what we could be dealing with.’ Daisy nodded in agreement.

‘I’ll do it.’ May cut in and everyone looked at her in surprise. ‘The Network took its toll on Coulson, I’ll get the information you need.’ She said with a hint of finality about the conversation.

Phil rubbed his temples and knew exactly who had walked into his office without looking up. ‘You want to know about her, don’t you?’ He said and looked up to where May had sat herself down opposite him.

‘Knowing more about her designs could help us catch whoever this guy is.’ May reasoned.

‘I’m afraid I can’t help you.’ Phil shook his head. ‘The only thing I know is that she built that bike to be the perfect infiltration vehicle and that helmet was supposed to be a sort of mapping system with everything you could possibly need to complete a mission, including specs, blueprints and the ability to read heat signatures and do quick searches on just about anything. She was capable of hacking into any computer system in the world and had the skills to build AIs and cybernetic limbs. I don’t know the specifics.’ Phil sighed and let his head fall back onto his chair.

‘So she was more than just intelligent.’ May stated and Phil felt himself chuckle. ‘Was she capable of going into the field?’

‘No, I was teaching her basic training to keep her safe, just in case, but we never finished.’ Phil shook his head and remembered all those times he had gone to her apartment and taught her the basic steps on how to stop an enemy incoming. He missed it. 

‘You were pretty close?’ May raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

‘Just friends.’ It almost made Phil sick to lie like that. ‘We were close friends, nothing more.’

May just nodded, accepting the lie as truth. ‘Anything else that might help us find this guy?’

Phil shook his head again. ‘We never talked specifically about any of our work, ever. We worked on TAHITI together and she did most of the security for the project while we-‘

Phil suddenly had a bright idea. El Hijo. The Network was still up and running, even without the Kid, El Hijo took care of it now. Phil rushed down to where Daisy was researching and she looked up a little startled.

‘I need you to find someone for me. El Hijo.’ Phil ordered. ‘I have no idea what his real name is or where you can find him, just find me something. And put some time into researching the Stark logs, that bike came out of Tony Stark’s garage, I’d like to find out who took it and why.’


	7. They're Catching Up

The truck was finally safe. It was back at the base on the outskirts of Madrid and you were already riding back to Valencia. You never went to visit El Hijo anymore. You couldn’t bare the sight of the city, it made you sick to your stomach. But you had the hard drive and a way to find out if there was a cure for the super soldier serum.

‘Nice to see you made it back safe.’ El Hijo said as you quickly took your medication and set your helmet to be analysed. ‘The rest of the tech is just old SHIELD designs, mostly archive items.’

‘Okay, well, just get rid of it. There’s a safe house in Barcelona, might as well give it back to the rightful owners. Let them know it’s a gift from Agent Sixteen.’ You chuckled. You had given yourself that name after the Kid died in New York, thinking that it was generic enough that no one would pay you much attention, but specific enough that no one would question what side you were on.

‘And the hard drive?’

‘I’ll send it back when I’m done with it.’

‘Okay, no problem. One more thing, someone is trying to find me. I keep seeing messages across the frequencies, all of them asking about El Hijo.'

‘That’s odd.’ You agreed. ‘Just keep an eye on it for now, if they get any answers to their questions, I want to know.’

El Hijo nodded and signed off. You just stared down at the hard drive that sat next to the picture of you and Phil. You had left both your rings hanging over the frame, you didn’t dare take them with you abroad. The hard drive would be your priority, you had other projects but none of them mattered until you could get your heart under control.

‘I always liked it when you worked.’ Phil said, sitting as he usually did, beside you on his phone. ‘You always had this look of concentration and focus. You knew what you were doing and it was nice to see you confident.’

‘I know.’ You sighed.

Phil frowned.

‘You’re my subconscious. You said you liked it when I was confident once and now you’re repeating it because I don’t know what else to fill the space with. I have no new information about you, so can’t fill the space with anything other than what I already know.’ You explained and Phil looked impressed, the way you liked seeing him. He went back to his phone after that and soon disappeared when you no longer felt lonely. 

 

You had spent weeks going over the data and hardly any of it made any sense, you worked tirelessly through the night and even Gavin had refused to help you work out one morning, stating you hadn’t had enough rest. You just rolled your eyes and went for a run instead. It was only when El Hijo called to say someone had given away his location that panic set in.

He knew protocol, that if anyone found his base he was to abandon all research, set the explosives and head to the next nearest base. He did exactly that and found himself in Italy with the Saint. 

‘We need to find out who is looking for you and why.’ You said, leaning back in your chair and watching as Gavin went about building the car you had been working on. ‘We can’t just move around like this, I don’t want you in Italy, I need you in Spain.’

‘I think I might have found something.’ He said and you could hear El Hijo typing away. ‘I think it might be the SHEILD rebels we encountered a little while back. The Rising Tide have one of their own working for SHIELD and that was how they found me.’

You sighed, thinking for a moment. ‘Okay, send me anything you have and I’ll work on it.’ You hung up and listened to the same music you listened to everyday. You thought about your wedding, the same way you did every day and you absorbed yourself in the fantasy that if Phil were alive you would be dancing with him and having dinner together after a long hard day of work for the both of you.


	8. El Hijo's Last Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, don't forget to leave comments and Kudos!!

‘We were close.’ May reasoned.

‘Not close enough!’ Phil shouted. ‘We don’t have El Hijo, we don’t have a trace and we don’t have any idea of where the next attack is going to come from.’

‘Actually, we might know something.’ Daisy interrupted. ‘The mercenary isn’t the only one collecting old information on the super soldier serum, we’ve been sending teams in to collect old files all over the globe and another location has popped up with a strong connections to the serum research.’

‘Where?’

‘Here actually.’ Daisy typed on her tablet and put it up on the screen in Phil’s office. ‘There’s a warehouse full of old files and artefacts that HYDRA had taken control of, below that there's a series of labs. But we saw this guy take down four HYDRA cars and steal a truck in broad daylight. I don’t think it's a far stretch to assume that he will try to infiltrate the warehouse once he realises what’s in there.’

‘What exactly is in there?’ Phil looked up at the location on the screen.

‘A scientist. One whose been able to decipher the research and create his own brand of super soldier. It looks like he’s been successful as well, one managed to escape the research facility a couple of years back and was never seen again, but I’m willing to bet they’re out there somewhere.’

A loud beeping suddenly came from Daisy’s laptop and everyone turned to watch her checking what it was. 

‘Oh my god.’ She said quietly staring at the screen.

‘What is it?’ May got there first.

‘A video.’ She said and indicated the screen again.

A man appeared adjusting a camera. He sat behind a desk and looked directly into the camera. ‘If you are watching this, then I am most definitely dead. My name is Charles Garcia, otherwise known as El Hijo. I have been working under this alias for some time now for the organisation known as the Network. I hope this video finds its way to trustworthy SHIELD agents, I’m sure I would have found a way to do just that. I would have sent this to Agent Coulson, but his demise in New York has changed things.’ Garcia took a breath and Phil felt his stomach clench.

‘I knew the operative known as the Kid and she helped me to see the light, that the world is far stranger than good and evil, that the grey area is what keeps us turning and moving forward. It's what progress is born from. She taught me a great many things and I hope I can pass these lessons on to someone who will value them as much as I have. I cannot tell you any details of the Network other than this: there was a reason for every step we took, we may not have liked keeping secrets from the people we loved, but we did it to keep them safe. I hope the right people will understand.’ He took another breath.

‘Is this the mercenary?’ Daisy asked.

‘It’s possible.’ Phil croaked.

‘I hope I die for a good reason, I hope it doesn’t lead to anyone’s pain or heartache, I hope I die bravely and if I don’t then I at least hope some good will have been done by my involvement with the Network. I made this video because I want to be remembered as someone who tried to do good. I want you to remember me as someone who tried. I will have most likely attached some information of interest to you, I hope it helps you somewhat in your future endeavours.’

Garcia reached over and turned the camera off.

‘Did he send anything else?’ Phil immediately asked.

‘Yeah, it's an encrypted file though, it’ll take some time to get through.’ Daisy was still staring at her laptop.

‘Let me know when you’ve done it.’ Phil ordered. ‘As for the warehouse, let’s make a plan to get that scientist before anyone else shows up. We don’t know that Garcia was the mercenary for sure, I don’t want to take any risks if he wasn’t.’


	9. Agent Sixteen's Revenge

You paced around the garage, not quite knowing what to do, you had seen it happen. You had seen the HYDRA agents a mile away and there was nothing you could have done. Garcia ran, for the life of him, he ran harder than you thought he’d ever run before, but it was just no good. They had snipers surrounding the building. The only consolation you had was that the explosives had been set and gone off taking several HYDRA agents with him.

You could feel that same rage beginning to build in the middle of your chest, the one that said you could have died from the heartache. Garcia had been your only friend over the past three years and now you were entirely alone and for how much longer was a mystery. 

 

You spent the week mourning, crying and working hard on your car that was now ready to be used. You kept finding yourself wanting to call El Hijo and check in, but every time you picked up the phone it pulled at your heart.

Gavin had gotten you a location for Dr Bower, the scientist that had captured you and given you the serum. You weren’t about to let him get away that easily. You drove your car down to Washington where Bower was visiting with some political party and you knew his exact movements.

You kept your laptop handy in case you needed to shake off a tail. You kept your eyes open and watched Bower for a full day, doing everything you could to stop yourself from getting out of the car and killing him in the street. But he had what you needed, a cure.

Bower finally entered the hotel he was staying in and your plan involved dragging him out the back and into your car while a loud party went on downstairs. No one would be on that floor to hear anything abnormal and you could make a clean escape.

Getting into the hotel room wasn’t a problem, you could hear Bower in the shower and took the time to look around his things in case there was anything of interest he had with him. You had lured two men up to the floor and distracted Bower’s guard, only to slip into the room with your duplicate key card. You had a fake gun as well that Bower would never have been able to tell the difference between it and the real thing.

You found his laptop and opened it, searching through any files that had been left open when the shower stopped. You held the gun up to the door and continued searching through the files, nothing of interest was coming up though.

‘What is this?’ Bower exclaimed as he came out in just his dressing gown. He was a fat, greasy, old man and felt your hatred for him pour from you.

‘Get dressed and say nothing.’ You said. You had your helmet on and ensured your voice was distorted so that he wouldn’t be able to recognise it just yet. Bower eventually did as he was told and you didn't take you eyes off of him. You put his laptop in your bag and slung it over your shoulder.

‘If you’re going to kill me, will you just get it over with!’

‘I told you to say nothing. We’re leaving.’ You said, as calmly as you could muster.

‘How exactly are you going to do that, you can hardly walk me out of the front door dressed like that.’ He almost laughed at you.

‘I didn’t say anything about the front door.’ You gestured for him to move towards the window, before strapping him into a zip line that went straight into the back of your car. You pushed him over the edge of the balcony and sure enough he landed in the open roof of your car. You quickly looked around and saw in the distance, a couple of blacked out cars heading your way.

‘Damn it.’ You muttered and leapt over the balcony onto the roof which you sealed off, before jumping into the driver’s side and raced off back towards your base. 

 

You could hear Bower in the back of the car, struggling to move around, but he was sealed off in his own little cage and no one was coming for him. You managed to shake the cars and get back safely, you dragged Bower out of the car and threw him into one of the small rooms that was probably someone’s quarters once. 

He tried to stand up, but feeling your anger get the better of you, you punched him square in the face and made him sit in the metal chair you had ready.

‘Tell me about the super soldier serum!’ You yelled at him. He said nothing so you punched him again. Still nothing. 

You brought out the rusty chain you had left in the room and tied it as tight as you could around him, before leaving the room to cool off in the control room. You needed to keep your head, you couldn’t let yourself slip. 

You took a breath and looked up at Phil’s picture. He was the only thing you ever thought was worth living for and he had been taken from you. El Hijo had been murdered by HYDRA agents and now you wanted answers. You wanted to feel normal again, you didn’t want to be angry anymore. You took off your helmet and jacket, keeping your rings on a chain around your neck, out of sight.

You could feel your heart rate maintaining a fast pace and quickly took a couple of pills to slow it down. This was going to be a long night and you couldn’t lose concentration.

‘I don’t want to be disturbed unless it’s an emergency.’ You told Gavin, who nodded and went about settling into security mode.  
You took another deep breath and entered the room again. Bower began cowering in his chair. ‘Please, please don’t hurt me.’

‘Tell me about the super soldier serum.’ You repeated. ‘How does it work?’

‘Please, just don't hurt me.’ You punched him in his face again.

‘Every time you don’t answer my questions, I will hurt you. Do I make myself clear?’ You said quietly. He nodded, mostly out of fear. ‘Tell me how the super soldier serum works.’

Bower gave you everything, he told you how the drug worked, the side effects and as it turned out, you were one of the healthy subjects.

‘I’m not a subject.’ You snapped. ‘I’m Agent Sixteen. Tell me how to reverse the effects.’

‘Reverse? You cannot reverse the effects, that would kill you, at the very least you would be in more pain than before.’

‘I can deal with the pain. Can you reverse what you did to me?’ Your patience was already wearing thin, he was just being annoying now.

‘I’m sorry, even if I wanted to, I can’t.’ Bower sobbed. You didn’t want to resist any longer, you punched him hard three or four more times, before knowing, any more and you would kill him. You took a breath and left the room.

‘Agent Sixteen, I’m afraid there has been a security breach.’ Gavin came around the corner, frantically trying to warn you that there had been an intrusion.


	10. The Director's Wife

May waved the team forward, they hadn’t expected the defences to be so tough. This guy was a pro that was for sure. Phil had joined the team as well, desperately wanting to get this guy into custody.

They had set off the alarms and suddenly time was no longer on their side, neither was the element of surprise. Daisy and Lincoln left in one direction and May took Phil down another. Hunter and Bobbi continued down the path they were already on.

‘Flesh wounds only.’ Phil reminded everyone. It was only a couple of minutes before Phil and May found a control room of some description, but before they could go in they heard Bobbi and Hunter on comms, struggling to fight against the mercenary.

‘We’re on our way.’ May said and before Phil could follow her, something caught his attention inside the control room. A picture frame.

He walked towards it slowly, feeling his heart beginning to swell like it had done three years ago. It was her, their wedding day, she looked so beautiful. He remembered that not being a good enough word for her, she was perfect. That night was engrained into his mind forever, she had been his entirely, even if it was only for a short while, they belonged to each other. Phil suddenly spotted the helmet and her bike sitting in what looked like an engineering room below and he had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

The timer on one of the screens was almost into the last thirty seconds, it needed a password and if he was right about the password then everything was about to change. He typed in the one word that he feared beyond anything and the timer stopped.

‘Do not engage with the hostile.’ He ordered his team. ‘Do not shoot her. Does anyone copy?’

‘You’re going to want to get down here.’ May panted. Phil ran from the control room and followed May’s directions to the garage, to find her holding her gun up, but not moving, instead trying to clam the situation. Bobbi, Hunter, Daisy and Lincoln were all shouting and Phil stopped in his tracks; there she was, in all her perfection and all her beauty, his wife.

May had Bower bleeding and sobbing underneath her and Phil took a breath, trying to hold it together. 

‘Who put the password in? Someone stopped the timer who was it?’ She yelled. She was so angry.

‘It was me.’ Phil croaked. She took a moment to realise who had spoken and almost shook her head in disbelief. 

 

You couldn’t focus, you had been shot in the leg and the shoulder and your judgement wasn’t at its best. Your heart rate had increased and now you were hallucinating again. Except this time it was different, something was different about Phil, he wasn’t wearing his suit and he wasn’t on his phone. He looked like he was in pain.

Bower made a sobbing noise and your attention went back to him. Everyone was a little jumpy and adjusted their positions.

‘Okay, let’s just calm down.’ Phil said and it was clearer than it had ever been. ‘Everyone lower your guns, let's take a breath.’ His voice was hoarse, like he was about to burst into tears any second now.

Slowly everyone started lowering their guns and you suddenly realised what was going on. Your hallucinations had gotten worse, that was all. You sighed in relief and stared down at Bower.

‘Well, I’m glad that’s over.’ You said and Bower just looked around, confused. ‘You see what you’ve done to me? You see what has happened? I’m seeing things that aren’t really there.’ You almost laughed at how far gone you were.

‘You’re not hallucinating.’ Phil said.

‘You would say that.’ You shot back and began walking over to Bower. ‘But it’s all in my head.’

‘You’re bleeding. That’s not in your head.’ He begged. You looked down to find that you had in fact been shot and suddenly it was clear, Phil was the only one you were imagining. You brought your gun back up and everyone was suddenly on edge. ‘Okay, easy, easy.’

‘Who are you?’ You demanded. ‘You tried to shoot me in Valencia.’ You indicated the Asian woman who had her hand gun raised. 

‘That’s Agent May.’ Phil said, but you ignored it.

‘Tell me your name!’ You roared, feeling your patience just about running out.

‘Agent Melinda May.’ She finally said and your heart sank. ‘Of SHIELD. We’re here to collect Dr Bower and bring him in for questioning.’

‘Under who’s orders?’ You roared again.

‘Director Coulson’s.’ She responded almost immediately.

You shook your head. You really had lost your mind.

‘No, no,’ you were shaking now. ‘Phil is dead. He’s gone.’

‘I’m not dead, sweetheart. I’m right here.’ Phil said, it wasn’t the same voice you had been hearing for three years, it was different. Somehow clearer and so life like.

You looked at him and tried to work it out. ‘Prove it.’ You said. ‘Tell me something that only he would know.’ The tears had begun forming in your eyes and you weren’t going to be able to hold onto them forever.

‘Coulson, who is this?’ The younger, dark haired, woman asked.

‘This… She’s my wife.’ He said and you could see it. So clearly for the briefest moment, it was a glimpse of reality, those perfect blue eyes, begging you to stop. ‘We got married-‘

‘No.’ You moaned, it couldn’t be real, he couldn’t be alive.

‘We were gone for five days and when we got back-‘

‘No stop.’ You tried to block him out.

‘When we got back, I told you to go to one of Tony’s apartments and wait for me.’

‘Just stop talking!’ You shouted. ‘You’re dead! You died and I lost everything! I lost my life, I was alone for three years, I was alone… I imagined you were still here, I talked to you like you were still here.’ You were suddenly aware that you were pointing your gun at him and you let the tears pour from your eyes and you let the pain finally absorb you.

‘Sweetheart, please, put the gun down.’

You shook your head again. ‘I can’t. I need Bower, Phil, I need him to fix me. To reverse what he did.’

‘We can get the information for you, but please, just put the gun down.’ You could see the tears forming in Phil’s eyes as well.

‘Agent Sixteen.’ Gavin called over the intercom. ‘Your heart rate has reached one hundred and sixty beats per minute-‘

‘What?’ You breathed knowing this was not a good thing.

‘Would you like me to bring you something to help?’

It was too late though, as soon as Gavin had said it, you felt your body going into shock. You fell hard onto the floor and felt the blood pumping out of your wounds, you gasped for breath, your chest was about to explode.

‘Sweetheart.’ A voice whispered, but your vision was blurring. ‘I’ll fix this. I’ll help you, I promise. I remember Madrid.’

Madrid.


	11. Awake

No one knew what to do. Even May couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening. Phil never left, he just stared down at Agent Sixteen and constantly asked questions if he wasn’t by her side. They had taken her entire base with them, HYDRA was on their tail and Phil had ordered them to blow the base if HYDRA ever found the entrance. He knew she kept secrets and if there was anything of immense value in that place, she would have hidden it.

‘You want to talk about it?’ Daisy asked, wandering into the room where Phil sat watching his wife. He didn’t respond. ‘Coulson, you said she was your wife, that statement alone has raised a lot of questions.’

‘I thought she died.’ He said quietly. Daisy sat down opposite him and watched as he continued to stare at Sixteen. ‘New York, Fury said she didn’t leave, she stayed and helped to save the people the avengers couldn’t. The Kid was on the list of dead.’

‘Wait, she’s-?’

‘She was the Kid, yeah.’ Phil nodded. ‘She created the Network and collected these people to help her do what SHIELD couldn’t.’

‘May said the Network took a toll on you?’

‘She wasn’t wrong.’ Phil smiled. ‘We never talked about work and when we did it was dismissive, we played for different teams, but we never brought it home with us. Work was work and she knew that if I caught up to the Network during my working days then she would surrender without a fuss. She would surrender the Kid, but the Network would continue to run without her.’

‘The Network was dangerous. You needed to shut it down.’

‘It wasn’t the Network that was dangerous. She was dangerous and her friends were dangerous, but no one ever died on their watch, she made sure of that. She only ever wanted to help people, she was more intelligent than I ever knew and that was what she used to help people.’

Phil watched his wife breathing slowly, like it was a struggle. He hated to see her this way, but he couldn’t believe he was seeing her, she was still so perfect. She was slightly more muscular and she had obviously changed mentally, considering what had happened back at her garage, but it was her.

He had kept her rings in his pocket for when she woke up, but he had no way of knowing when she would wake up if she ever would. 

‘Has Bobbi finished with Bower yet?’ Phil asked, knowing that he could help her, if he just got a hold of the information she was searching for.

‘I was about to go and check. If she hasn’t, it shouldn’t be too much longer.’ Daisy said. ‘Look, I just came down here to see if… If you needed anything?’

‘I’m fine.’ Phil knew he wasn’t, but until she woke up, he couldn’t say anything else. ‘Let me know when Bobbi is finished.’

Daisy nodded and left him. He knew that most of the team were watching him on and off, but he didn’t care. His life had just changed dramatically.

 

It was another few hours before she finally woke up. Phil was about to have some one on one time with Bower. He was about to pay for what he did. Phil descended the steps to the cell where Bower was being kept. He was a fat, greasy man and he deserved to be locked away.

He sat down in front of Bower with his file under his arm and observed him. Bower was nervous and fidgety, so he should have been. Phil checked through his file, but before he could speak May entered the room and asked him to attend to an emergency in the hanger. It was a cover for when she woke up and Phil found himself rushing back to find that she hadn’t taken too well to being kept in the secure medical room.

She really did have super soldier serum inside her, she had just about torn apart most of the medical equipment. But there was something familiar about her look. It was fear.

‘Hey, hey, calm down.’ Phil intervened. Bobbi had her gun raised, but began to back off when Phil gestured that he had this.

‘Please, Phil, get me out of here. I’m not going to run away, I just can't be in here anymore, please. I’m scared.’ She begged and he couldn’t say no.

‘Sir!’ Bobbi warned.

‘Stand down Agent Morse.’ Phil ordered and opened the door. She had been crying, she was terrified.

The door slid open and she kept her word, she didn’t run, but she did look relieved, no longer claustrophobic or terrified. ‘Phil.’ She whispered, still not quite knowing if he was real or not.

‘It’s me, I’m here.’ Phil tried to make her see. He took out her rings from his pocket and handed them to her. ‘I remember Madrid.’ He said much more quietly, so that only she could hear. She just looked at him, like he had given her the answer to every question she had.

‘I missed you.’ She whispered and Phil saw her, he could see the woman he married and how beautiful she was, she was alive and he felt his heart lift for the first time in three years.

 

Your head felt clearer and you felt sharper, you were sure your heart had exploded inside your chest, but it hadn’t. You were alive, you were so confused, but you were alive. 

Simmons had sat both yourself and Phil down and explained what had happened.

‘…we’re still not sure how you survived your heart elevating so quickly, but we’ve managed to calm it down enough do some more tests. We will need to take more blood though.’

‘Wait, go back, what’s causing the elevation?’ Phil asked and you hoped he would never hear the answer.

‘The serum.’ Simmons said, sadly. ‘I’m afraid it's not quite the same as the one in Captain America, this one is unstable and you were right in that you will probably need to take some form of medication for it for the rest of your life.’

‘What about the cure?’ You asked, not wanting to think about being this way for the rest of your life. ‘Bower has the answers, he did this to me, he can reverse it.’

‘I’m sorry, Agent Morse wasn’t able to get the information you want, we’re not even quite sure what it was he did, everything is a little jumbled right now.’ Simmons was trying hard to calm you.

‘The hard drive.’ You said. ‘I collected a hard drive in Valencia not that long ago, there’s research on it, videos, logs, data, everything you need. I have another drive with my own research on it.’

‘Your research?’ Phil asked and those blue eyes stared down at you. You found yourself looking away, unable to deal with the reality just yet.

‘I read books on biology so I could better understand what had happened to me.’ You explained. ‘It’s inside Gavin for safe keeping. I couldn’t risk anyone getting their hands on it.’

‘We haven’t been able to get anything out of that robot.’ The agent you now knew as Bobbi said from behind you. It made you jump down from the bed and go straight into guard mode.

‘Easy, easy.’ Phil calmed you a little. ‘Take a breath for me.’ 

‘I’m okay.’ You nodded and did as Phil asked, feeling yourself calm down entirely. ‘You need to either take me to him or enter the passcode, he knows that I would only give that to someone if I really trust them.’

‘Well, what’s the passcode?’ She asked and you just stayed silent. ‘We can’t help you unless you give us that code.’

‘Agent Morse, leave the room.’ Phil ordered and you saw his agent mask slipping on, this was the side of Phil you feared most. Bobbi left the room and Phil nodded for Simmons to do the same.

‘I don’t want to be left alone with you.’ You didn’t quite know what happened, it just sort of slipped out. Phil sighed and watched you for a moment.

‘Okay, I won’t make you give up that code, but she’s right, we can’t reverse this unless we work together.’ He made that part absolutely clear. ‘Look, sweetheart,-‘

‘Please don’t have this conversation with me.’ You interrupted. ‘I’m not ready to tell you that I’m in pain or any of the other things we need to talk about.’ You suddenly realised why you were being so honest. ‘I’ve spent the better part of three years talking to my subconscious, I’ve never needed a filter when talking to him… I’m sorry if it's too much.’ You shook your head, trying to feel normal again.

‘The troubling thing is that this is probably the most honest you’ve ever been with me.’ Phil almost smiled. ‘I know you never lied to me, but you kept a lot of secrets and I was happy to live with that. I was capable of living like that.’ Phil didn’t dare take a step closer. 

‘I remember Madrid as well.’ You suddenly spoke up. ‘I remember the little things, I think about them all the time. I don’t know why I encourage myself to do that.’ 

Phil smiled at you. ‘I remember as well… Do I know that passcode for Gavin?’

‘Yes, but please promise me something?’ Phil frowned. ‘Just ask him for the serum research, nothing else. I’m not ready to show anyone my secrets just yet.’

He took a breath, almost as if he was about to refuse, before looking away from you and giving in.

‘Okay.’ Phil nodded and went to the door. ‘Oh, I don’t mean to rush anything, but there’s only so long we can keep your base safe. HYDRA knows where it is and we would have blown it up for you, but we weren’t sure if there was anything of importance there.’

‘Not really, my car maybe. Gavin has everything I value… Oh, there was a picture-‘

‘I got that.’ Phil’s cheeks blushed slightly. ‘First thing I picked up when we cleared the place out… It’s in my room, do you want me to bring it down?’

‘Please.’ You nodded and for the first time in three years, you smiled. It was a real smile, genuine happiness, it was just for a split second, but it was there.

Phil left and eventually Simmons came back in. She had asked you questions that you couldn’t really answer just yet and you told her as such. She seemed to respect the fact that you weren’t quite right and didn’t push, she also learnt that you had a fear of needles and that was why you refused her taking anymore blood. Again she understood.

‘I hope you understand that we’re only trying to help.’ Simmons said out of the blue. She had been checking something on her tablet before she spoke.

‘I do.’ You nodded. 

‘Good. Once we’ve gotten your research, would you like to help me go through it?’ She asked and you knew this was a peace offering. ‘It’d make everything go a lot quicker if I had you guiding me through the steps and explaining the research you did.’

‘Sure.’ You nodded again. ‘Thank you Dr Simmons.’

‘Oh, please, call me Jemma.’ She waved her hand, dismissing the formalities and you took an immediate liking to her, she was a little awkward just like you and it gave you comfort. 

‘Jemma… Can I ask you something?’

She nodded.

‘I mean, I know I’ve changed, but what happened to Phil? He’s not the same as he used to be. He looks tired.’ You asked and you saw her shut off completely.

‘I think that’s a question you need to ask him.’ She had that sad look again. ‘We’ve all been through a lot and none of us knew Coulson was even married, I don’t even think May knew and she and Coulson are incredibly close.’

What did that mean?

‘Oh, no, I don’t think they… I think they’re just friends.’ She tried to assure you, were you that easy to read? ‘What I mean is that they used to be partners and so, that sort of thing brings people together… What I’m trying to say is that we’ve all been through hell and back, Coulson has probably been through some of the worst of it and he’s the one trying to keep us all together, but it's not been an easy ride.’

You still weren’t quite sure if she was referring to a specific event or talking in more general terms, but you didn’t pry. Phil would tell you when you were ready to hear it.


	12. Time To Move Bower

‘I still think it was a bad idea to bring her here.’ Bobbi said. 

Everyone had gathered in Coulson’s office to discuss blowing up Sixteen’s base and Hunter had sparked the same argument they’d been having for days.

‘Bobbi’s got a point.’ Mack agreed. ‘She’s got that serum inside her and we don’t know for sure what she’s capable of, she’s mentally unstable, she’s been alone in that base for three years. We don’t know what it's done to her.’

‘We can’t just tell her to leave.’ Daisy exclaimed. ‘She needs our help. Yeah, she’s been alone for three years, but that only means she needs people around her.’

‘Look Daisy, I know you want to help her and that’s fine, but none of us are psychologists.’ Mack had a point there. ‘None of us know how to deal with this kind of thing. I’m sorry Coulson I know you and Agent Sixteen were close, but that doesn’t mean-‘

‘Close?’ Phil made sure he heard Mack correctly. ‘We were close?’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘No, Mack, I don’t know what you mean.’ Phil stood up to make a point. ‘I married that woman three years ago and I told her that I would spend the rest of my life with her, no matter what. Is that what you mean by close?’ The room was silent and not even May dared speak. ‘She’s my wife, as far as I’m concerned that fact hasn’t changed.’ Phil took a breath and leaned on his desk. ‘But I am willing to agree that she needs psychological help, she was fragile three years ago and that only looks to have gotten worse. She’s abnormally honest and is probably having trouble distinguishing who is her friend and who isn’t, she’s scared, she was tortured and experimented on by a man who is sitting in our basement. Tell me, Mack, Bobbi, what exactly would be going through your mind right now?’

The room was silent for a moment longer.

‘We’ll call in Andrew.’ May spoke up. ‘See what he has to say about her. Daisy, Fitz and I will look into blowing up the base, that means the rest of the team can focus their efforts on the search for Ward.’

Phil just gave everyone a look as if to ask why they weren’t already moving and soon the room dispersed. Phil was left alone with May and he knew what was about to happen.

‘Do you have any idea how badly I want to kick your ass right now?’ She said and it almost made Phil smile. 

‘Are you going to?’

‘Wouldn’t be a fair fight, you’ve only got one hand.’ She retorted. ‘I can’t understand why you didn’t tell me that you had a wife, I’ll forever ask myself why you didn’t want to tell me that, but we have a serious problem on our hands. I know you don’t really want to admit it to yourself, but that’s not the woman you married, she's different now. She needs psychological help and she needs someone to tell her that everything she’s going through is okay.’

‘I slept with another woman.’ Phil blurted out. It was clear from her expression that May wasn’t expecting him to say that. ‘I’m still upset over Rosalind because I had feelings for her and now my wife is downstairs and she needs me to be honest with her.’

‘You thought she died Phil, no one blames you for that.’

‘No, but I can’t tell her about Rosalind, ever.’ Phil reasoned. ‘She was fragile in the beginning, emotionally she struggled to put into words how she felt and she found confidence through my being honest. Imagine if I turn around and tell her that I slept with another woman, imagine what that would do to her. I can’t hurt her like that, May. It would kill her to think that…’

‘Coulson, you’re right. You can’t tell her right now, but maybe one day when she’s better, she’ll understand. And you never know, she might have done the same. She and Garcia seemed pretty close and as far as she was concerned you were dead too.’ May tried to make her point clear, but Phil shook his head.

‘She was never like that.’ He said, quietly. 

Phil spent the next week doing what he could to make her feel better. She preferred to be called Sixteen or Agent Sixteen as her own name made her cringe, like it was some foreign taste she couldn’t stand and Phil soon began calling her that to make her happier. She didn’t like being in a crowd and often found that she panicked when confronted with more than two people in her company.

He had a room cleared for her, just down the corridor from his office and it had a wide work space for her to keep busy. After Mack and Fitz had done their tinkering with Gavin, he stayed in her room and kept her company when her heart rate elevated. Phil found that his place in her life was relatively minor and it was killing him. They still hadn’t spoken about whatever relationship they might have had, or about what had happened.

The real test came when Hunter let it slip that Bower was still in their basement. No one had the strength to stop her. She went down when she thought no one was looking and repeatedly punched him in the face, not even Mack could get her to leave Bower alone, it was only when Phil ordered her to stop in the voice he knew she feared most, that she stepped away.

He hated that he had made her scared of him, but she wouldn’t have stopped, she just would have kept on going until Bower was dead. Phil gave the order to have Bower removed from the basement and to hand him over to Talbot.

May had left immediately to do just that and Bobbi and Mack exchanged a glance that said they knew they were right. Sixteen had gone straight back to her quarters to work on fixing Gavin’s cybernetic arm that he had gotten caught in the ramp on the bus. Phil needed to make things right though, so he followed her.


	13. Let's Move Forward

You could feel your rage subsiding. You knew Bower would die if you kept going, but he deserved it. He deserved to die in pain, he didn’t care about your life so why should you have cared about his.

Phil had ordered you to put him down though, he had used his agent voice, the one he knew you feared, to save a man who wasn’t worth saving. You took a couple of pills to calm your heart down and sat on the steps leading up to your desk, to continue work on Gavin’s arm.

‘You know he had to do it.’ Phil said, checking his phone as he always did in his suit. ‘You would have killed Bower otherwise.’

‘He deserved to die.’

‘You’ve never killed before. Can you imagine how they would look at you if you started now?’

‘Please stop.’ You begged and picked up your smallest blow torch to reach inside the remains of the arm.

‘Agent Sixteen,’ Gavin wandered over to where you were sitting. ‘You might be interested to know that Director Coulson is just outside the door and has been knocking for several minutes, would you like me to let him in or would you rather I ask him to leave you to your thoughts?’

‘It’s fine Gavin, would you get the door for him?’ You continued working and didn’t even bother looking up when you heard Phil entering the room.

‘Would you like a seat sir?’ Gavin asked and Phil took it. You almost hated Gavin at that moment, but then you had programmed him to be polite whenever you entered a room, so it was your own fault really. ‘Agent Sixteen, would you like me to go into sleep mode to give you some privacy?’

‘Yes, Gavin, I’ll reactivate you when we’re done.’ You nodded, still not looking at Phil. You just continued to work while Gavin sat cross legged in the corner and powered down for a few hours.

‘How long did he take to make?’ Phil asked and you frowned, wondering why he would be interested in that. ‘I know you were working on an AI for the suit, I take it Gavin was the next step?’

‘He was… Necessary.’ You didn’t know any other word for it.

‘How so?’

‘I was lonely and capable of building an AI and a robot, so I thought why not.’ You explained. ‘I modified him to track my health and to look after the base when I’m not around.’

Phil nodded and you felt yourself growing impatient.

‘Look, I’m not going to apologise for Bower.’ You stated simply.

‘I’m not asking you to.’ Phil shook his head. ‘Truthfully, I nearly did the same thing just before you woke up… I’m sorry I intentionally scared you. But I was worried that you would end up killing him and I can’t imagine anything worse. I did the only thing I knew I could do to save you from the guilt.’

‘I wouldn’t have felt guilty.’ You mumbled, but Phil definitely heard. You felt around behind you for spare wires and found them as you began rewiring Gavin’s circuits. ‘I think I’m ready to talk now, about what happened to us three years ago, but I’m scared of the result of that conversation.’

‘Me too.’ Phil admitted and pulled the chair a little closer. ‘I am so happy you’re alive, but I can’t quite grasp what has happened to you. I expect I’m the same in your eyes.’

‘I think I know what happened to you.’ You said and finally looked up at him. ‘It was TAHITI, wasn’t it?’ Phil slowly nodded. ‘I told you to shut it down.’

‘And I did, I gave my recommendation to Fury and he overruled me. It was out of my hands.’ Phil was a little quick to anger for your liking, but you tried to ignore it. ‘I’m sorry, but think about it like this. We wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation if TAHITI hadn’t of brought me back. I went through the side effects and I recovered. Now I’m as healthy as I can possibly be, given the circumstances… What happened to you? After New York I mean? Fury said you stayed behind to help?’

You took a breath and continued working, you hadn’t thought about that for years. ‘I stayed.’ You nodded. ‘I found a senior agent who had died and I took his ear piece, because I wanted to know that you were safe. I took Blake and-‘

‘Blake?’

‘My bike.’ You rolled your eyes. ‘I named him Blake… Anyway, I went out and tried to save anyone I could, but then I heard-‘ You suddenly felt the words catch in your throat. You had never really said it out loud before. ‘Someone said on the radio “Agent Coulson is down.”… I tried to listen out for someone saying you were injured,’ you swallowed the lump in your throat and tried to take a deep breath, but it was jagged. ‘But no one ever did.’ The tears were about to come flooding out. ‘I stood at your funeral, but no one knew about us.’ That was it, the tears streamed from your face and you couldn’t stop them. You shoved the arm to one side and held you head in your hands, remembering that day clearer than you had ever remembered in your life. ‘No one knew we were married and I had to stand there like I was just some friend.’ You wailed. ‘It hurt so much, Phil, I hurt so much.’

Phil stood up and came to sit next to you, but he didn’t dare touch you just yet, instead he just sat near you and for a while it was comforting.

‘I called in my favour with Fury and asked him to put my name on the list of dead so that no one would come looking for me. I asked him to stop looking into the Network and El Hijo and I found an old SHIELD base that we took off the records and I took over.’ You sobbed. ‘I was there for three years while you were still alive and running around the globe doing God knows what and no one ever knew I was still alive.’

‘I know, I know, I understand you’re in pain.’ Phil said in that voice that put comfort in you. ‘I cried for weeks after Fury told me you were gone, I couldn’t cope and I became more closed off than I think I’ve ever been. But I never forgot Madrid and all those things we promised, the things we said and did with each other. I wished I could go back every day and find you smiling on the balcony again.’ It made you smile and you gave a brief look to Phil who was smiling at the memory as well. ‘But, we’re different now, both of us and we need to figure out what that means. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still my wife and I still promised to take care of you for the rest of my life. I’m willing to do that if you’re willing to help me do that.’

‘How?’ You croaked.

‘Well, I think we can both agree that spending three years entirely alone with only Gavin for company might have taken its toll.’ Phil joked and it made you smile again. ‘I want you to talk to somebody, a friend who can assess what’s going on in your head right now. I won’t force you, but I will say that I have no idea how to go about any of this. I don’t know if I can say everything I want to say, in case it has a negative effect, I want to hold you and wipe away your tears, but I’m scared you’ll push me away. Sweetheart, I want you to be healthy and happy, I think this will help.’

You thought about it for a moment. Everything that was happening was a bit overwhelming and you didn’t fancy the thought of meeting someone else. You enjoyed solitude and you enjoyed working on Gavin and your side projects, but if there was a chance that you could go back to the way things were before then maybe this was a chance worth taking.

‘Okay.’ You nodded. ‘I’m scared, but okay… Will you be there?’

‘Do you want me there?’

‘Not really.’ You said honestly.

‘Then that’s fine. You set the pace.’ Phil smiled warmly at you.

‘You’re handing over the reigns.’ You echoed the memory of the first time Phil was in your apartment and it made him smile again. ‘Do you think I’ll be okay? Do you think we can go back to the way things were?’

Phil bobbed his head from side to side for a moment. ‘Maybe not exactly the way they were, but maybe we can find a way to be together and be happy again.’ He offered and you mentally agreed that maybe that was the best you could hope for. Phil rummaged around in his jeans pocket and pulled something out. It was three rings on a chain. ‘I kept hold of these for you and put mine on there for safe keeping. Why don’t you hold onto all three?’ He placed them in your hand and you rubbed your fingers over each one, just feeling the memories pouring out from them. ‘I have to go and deal with the Talbot situation, but if you wanted to talk some more or to say anything, even if it's just the company you want, my office is right down the hall and you’re more than welcome to come and see me. I’ll be there all week most likely.’

You smiled again. ‘Thanks Phil.’

‘Any time.’ He nodded and gave you one last look before standing up. ‘I’ll talk to Dr Garner tonight and see when he’s free to see you. I’ll keep you updated.’ He said and wandered out of your room.

You sighed and ran your thumb over the three rings in your hand.

‘They’re beautiful.’ Phil said, glancing up from his phone and giving you a quick glance.

‘Yeah, they are.’ You agreed and smiled down at the vivid memory of Phil asking you to marry him.

 

Phil didn’t expect her to come running back to him straight away and truth be told, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that either, but maybe the conversation was progress enough for them. She seemed happy to talk to Andrew and even if it took a while, he knew it was for the best. Andrew wouldn’t tell him exactly what they talked about, but over the next couple of weeks they seemed to be moving forward at least.

‘Director.’ Simmons called as Phil wandered down the corridor. He turned to see her rushing up to him. ‘Sir, I hate to press the matter, but I still haven’t seen Agent Sixteen for her check up this week, I was wondering if you knew where I could find her?’

‘She isn’t in her room?’

‘I’ve knocked several times, but no answer, though I thought I could hear someone talking the last time I checked, but it must’ve been my imagination, because no one answered the door.’ Simmons explained and Phil nodded.

‘Yeah, sometimes you have to knock for a while before she hears anything.’ Phil told her. ‘I’ll see if I can get her to come out and bring her to the lab myself as soon as I can.’

‘Thank you sir.’ Simmons sighed in relief.

She rushed off down the corridor behind Phil and he glanced off towards where Sixteen’s door was. The first time he had knocked on her door, he was there for a full ten minutes before Gavin finally let him in. This time it was only five minutes, but when Gavin opened the door, she was lifting a car hood off of the floor and talking to herself.

‘Agent Sixteen.’ Gavin got her attention and she dropped the car hood. She was in just her vest and jeans and clearly hard at work. ‘Director Coulson is here to see you. I’ll go into low power mode.’

‘It’s fine Gavin.’ Phil stopped him. ‘This will only take a moment.’

‘Very well sir.’ Gavin said and simply stood awkwardly next to Phil.

‘I just came to say that Simmons says you haven’t gone down for your medical check up this week. Any reason why not?’ Phil got straight to the point.

‘I… There's a lot of people down there and it's… Overwhelming.’ She said, a heart felt honesty to her words.

Phil took a step towards her. ‘Okay, well, what if I ask Simmons to come here and do her tests here where there aren’t any people?’ She didn’t answer and continued to work obsessively. ‘Look, I know you don’t like the tests, I understand that it might remind you of some things you’d rather forget, but we can’t help you if you resist this.’

She stopped for a moment and Phil could have sworn he saw full blown rage in her eyes for just a second before they softened into her usual scared expression.

‘I just… Please don’t… Why does she need to do so many tests anyway?!’ She snapped. ‘Week after week, the same tests over and over and it’s so repetitive! What is she trying to find out?’

‘Agent Sixteen, your heart rate is increasing dramatically, might I suggest taking your medication as soon as possible.’ Gavin interrupted. Sixteen just stared at him before trying to remember where she put the bottle of pills and taking one.

‘She’s trying to find out how to put a stop to this.’ Phil made it quite simple. He didn’t want her to be like this anymore, he wanted her to be pain free and able to get angry without it killing her. ‘Sweetheart, can you at least see that we need to keep an eye on your heart? That if we don’t it could kill you and I’d lose you all over again.’

She suddenly looked up and gave Phil a look that said she could never hurt him like that and before he knew it she was crying in his arms. She sobbed so hard, but Phil couldn’t help himself either, she was back in his arms, crying, but she was where he felt she belonged. He let a few tears go and just felt her perfect form against him for as long as she wanted.

The crying soon subsided, but she didn’t let go. ‘I’m so scared.’ She said against his chest. ‘I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. I don’t know how to fix this, Phil, please help me.’

‘I will, I promise.’ He whispered into her hair. ‘I promise I’ll help you feel normal again.’ He promised. ‘We can start right now. Come down to the lab with me, we’ll clear the room and Simmons will do her tests, after that, I’ll bring you right back and you can keep working. How does that sound? Be brave for me?’

‘Wait what?’ She stepped back and looked up at him through her red puffy eyes. ‘What did you say?’

‘I asked you to be brave for me. Can you do that?’ He repeated and frowned as a million different things floated through her head.

‘You said that in Madrid.’ She breathed. ‘You remember? You said that to me?’ She had a small smile on her face and he remembered vividly that night.

‘I remember.’ He nodded. ‘And you were incredibly brave that night. I don’t know if I ever did say thank you.’

‘I want to be brave like that again some day. For you.’ She admitted, her face flushing red, but Phil had begun to think she no longer noticed.

‘I’d like that too. So let’s set that as a target, to have something like that again.’ Phil suggested, remembering Andrew’s comment about if she had something to work towards, she might make more progress and steer away from her hallucinations. Phil knew she was still having them and according to both Simmons and Garner, she clung onto them because they helped her get through the three years alone. ‘We’ll set goals that work towards the target and see how far we can get. I have all the time in the world, there’s no pressure here.’

She thought about it for a moment. ‘Okay, what’s the first goal?’

Phil took a breath. ‘Okay, the first goal should be small, something to get you out and unafraid of crowds again. How about you make the effort to go to your weekly check ups with me? You come to my office whenever you feel you can and I’ll walk you down to the labs, I’ll stay with you and then bring you back here or wherever you want to go? How does that sound?’

‘How long do I have to do that for?’ She asked, clearly not keen on the idea.

‘I think Simmons only had six weeks left of testing she wants to do, so we’ll say six weeks for now.’ Phil watched her mind race again before she nodded. ‘Good, we’ll head down now and once it's over, we’ll mark it down as a success. Take your time.’ Phil reminded her and she took a few moments to look like she was finding her jumper, when in reality, Phil could see that she was stalling for time, he didn’t mind, not in the slightest. She eventually came to stand in front of him again and looked nervous. ‘Ready?’

She nodded and Phil escorted her down to the labs.


	14. The Caretaker

You hated wandering around a base when so many other people were there and they were all staring at you. No, they must have been staring at Phil, he was their boss, so of course they were staring at him.

You wanted to tell Phil the real reason you didn’t want to leave your workspace, but it was hard. You had found out HYDRA was on to your Network, that they knew the secret of its success and you were faced with a tough decision.

Simmons did her tests, she took readings of your heart and once again asked to take blood, but you refused. Phil didn’t make you, but you knew you would have to at some point. He stayed by your side, like he promised, while Simmons took your blood pressure.

‘I have a question.’ You said, almost startling Phil. 

‘What is it?’ 

‘I…’ You weren’t sure what you could and couldn’t tell him. Maybe this was a question for Dr Garner, he kept all your secrets, so maybe he would have the answer for you as well. ‘It’s a hard question to ask.’ You frowned and looked away from where Phil was standing.

‘Okay.’ Phil said slowly. ‘Is it work related?’

‘It's Network related.’ You said immediately, mentally scolding yourself for being honest and forth right. ‘I’m worried, that’s all.’

Simmons finished her tests and wandered over to the desk to jot down her notes. Phil just sighed and looked down at the ground for a moment.

‘Okay, let’s go to my office and talk about it.’ Phil sighed and Simmons finished up with the both of you. You pulled the sleeves of your jumper down and tried to take up as little space as possible on the way back to Phil’s office. He gestured for you to sit down at his table and you did just that, pulling your knees up to your chest.

You watched as Phil made you both a cup of coffee and suddenly felt very nervous. He sat down opposite you and smiled.

‘I want to help you and I want us to work together here.’ Phil started. ‘But I’m aware of what you said about my never knowing anything about your Network and I’m happy to respect that for now. However, if circumstance has changed, if you need my help, then I’ll do everything in power to do just that.’

You thought for a moment and debated with yourself over whether you should have told Phil the truth about the Network.

‘Have you ever heard of the Caretaker?’ You asked and Phil nodded. ‘I want you to see her. I want to show you my secrets, Phil. You just have to promise me something.’

‘Anything.’

‘Please, just promise me that you’ll forgive me for not telling you sooner.’ You begged, you couldn’t bare the thought of Phil being angry with you over this. It was a lot to take in anyway and you weren’t sure how he would react to what you were about to show him.

‘Of course I forgive you.’ Phil said as if you were being ridiculous, but you were convinced you weren’t. ‘Tell me where to go and I’ll take you to see the Caretaker.’

‘Actually she’s in my room.’ You said, sipping your coffee. Phil frowned and you stood up to take him there. You kept your coffee close to your chest and led him back to your quarters. Gavin was waiting for you to arrive and offered you both a seat to talk. ‘It’s fine Gavin, just power down for a couple of hours, I’ll reactivate when I’m done.’

‘Of course.’ He said and sat cross legged in the corner again, powering down.

You set your coffee down on the desk nearest Phil and ducked underneath your recent project, indicating that he should follow. There wasn’t much space back there, but enough that both you and Phil could stare down at an old school set of hard drives taped together. You knew that it didn’t look like much, just a lump of junk, but that was the beauty of it.

‘I thought we were going to meet the Caretaker?’ Phil questioned as he stared down at the junk as well.

‘Director Coulson of SHIELD,’ a quite voice came from the top hard drive and Phil’s eyes widened. ‘Non threat to the Network, prolific asset and should be assisted where possible. Awaiting further instruction.’ You leaned down and adjusted so that she wouldn’t take any orders just yet.

‘I don’t understand.’ Phil shook his head, confused.

‘The Caretaker is an AI, she looks out for the rest of them.’ You explained.

‘The rest of them?’

‘The other AIs,’ you clarified. ‘That’s the big secret. The Network is just a collection of AIs and two people running it.’

‘You and Garcia.’ Phil was beginning to catch on. ‘You were the Network.’ Phil was giving you a look you’d only seen a few times. It was wonder, he was looking at you in wonder. ‘You did all that, all by yourself?’

You nodded and smiled, hoping he was somewhat impressed. ‘Yeah, that’s why I could vouch for them and why I kept telling you that they weren’t a threat to me. I built them to have a limited capacity to expand, they’re like Gavin, unable to advance unless I modify them to do just that… Are you okay?’

Phil took a breath and just watched you for a moment. ‘I’m fine. I just… I can’t believe you did this all by yourself. These AIs are still out there doing things for the Network?’

‘Yeah, there’s different types. Like the twins in China.’ You explained further. ‘But they’re all out there, exposed.’ You hadn’t meant to add the extra word, it just sort of came out.

‘I see.’ Phil nodded and you frowned. ‘Your question. It was asking me whether you should shut down the Network?’ He was still as observant as ever. Phil sighed. ‘If this was three years ago, I’d yes in a heartbeat, but now, knowing that we could have access to more data that previously imagined, the ability to save more people… I think we could work out a deal, to keep the Network safe and working to the best of its ability.’

‘You think that’s possible?’ You asked, unsure of what this deal might involve.

‘Absolutely. I run this place now, I can do whatever I want.’ He charmed and you felt your face light up pink for the first time in years. ‘I like that I can still do that you sometimes.’ He said much more quietly. You stayed silent, unsure of what to say, but you liked that you were having this time with Phil, it felt like the old days. ‘Can I say something a little forward?’ Phil asked and you took a moment to nod. ‘I hate that this has happened to you, I hate that you feel the need to hide away from everyone and avoid everyday conversation. I never stopped loving you and I never stopped loving your confidence. I didn’t see it often, but when I did, it was some of the happiest moments of my life. I want that back, more for your sake than mine, but I want to love you the way I used to. One day.’

You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what the future held, some days you hoped you’d be able to have a normal conversation with other people and make Phil laugh the way you knew how and other days you just wanted to pack your bag and run away.

‘I’m embarrassed.’ You began to explain and Phil looked momentarily pained, but then realised that you weren’t finished, you were just struggling to find the words. ‘I’m not the woman in the picture anymore. I don’t look good anymore, I mean, that I have scars and I don’t want you to see them, ever.’

Phil nodded and began thinking quickly before he made up his mind. ‘I lost my hand.’ He said and you looked down at both of his hands. ‘Mack had to chop it off with an axe, if he hadn’t I would probably have died. I have a scar in the middle of my chest from where I was killed and I don’t want anyone to see it, least of all you. But I know that if I showed it to you, you wouldn’t turn away and tell me I was hideous or a monster, you’d feel for me and try to understand my pain, wouldn’t you?’

‘Of course I would!’ You exclaimed. How could he think you would do anything else? 

‘Then why would you think I would do anything less for you?’ He asked. You didn't have an answer for him though. ‘No matter how much pain your scars tell me you’ve been in, I will never think you are anything less than beautiful. As much as I don’t want to think about you in pain or getting hurt, if you needed somebody to listen to your worries, I’d like to think that you can still turn to me and talk to me about anything. I’ll never make you feel embarrassed about yourself, the way you look or the way you feel.’

You wanted to, for the life of you, you wanted to tell Phil everything. But it was still jumbled up in your head. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do or what you were supposed to say, but you knew what you wanted.

‘I want something.’ You said and swallowed slowly. Phil as patient as ever, just waited for you to continue. ‘I find it hard to sleep. I have nightmares and Gavin can only do so much… I… I don’t want to be alone… Am I making sense?’

‘You want me to stay with you while your sleep?’ Phil clarified and you nodded, relived that he understood you. ‘Of course I'll stay.’ He nodded, smiling. ‘I've still got a few things to do today, but I’ll come back in a few hours and I’d be happy to stay for as long as you need me.’

‘Okay.’ You nodded and felt your heart lift slightly. Phil just smiled and ducked under your project as he went to leave you in peace.

‘What is this anyway?’ He asked, as you ducked under as well. ‘You’ve been working for two weeks straight on it.’

‘Oh, it's a one man plane, I guess.’ You said, not really knowing what the name for it was. ‘It's supposed to be able to hold a pilot for one man missions. I’m installing Gavin into the controls in case the pilot would need to leave the plane without being able to land. Gavin would take over flying and monitor the pilot’s progress in whatever situation. I guess, I’m making some kind of infiltration and surveillance… Thing.’

You cringed at your dodgy explanation and turned to see that loving look you sorely missed on Phil’s face. 

‘What?’

‘You haven’t changed nearly as much as you think.’ He said, giving you a wink and finally leaving you to finish up your project.


	15. Recovery Takes Time

‘I’m just saying, people are starting to become wary of her.’ May argued with Phil in his office. She wasn’t happy about the rest of the team being kept in the dark about Sixteen and had been trying to reason with him about bringing her out of her work space more often.

‘She’s more than just lonely, Melinda.’ Andrew cut in, before Phil could lose his temper. ‘She almost enjoys the solitude, finds comfort in it now. It’ll take more than a month to reverse that kind of behaviour.’

Phil had been monitoring a couple of missions to extract the AIs in the Network and move them to more secure locations under SHIELD protection. The twins would prove the most difficult as they monitored the entirety of Asia. They had all sorts of defences that Sixteen had told him about, but she had assured him that as long as only one person enters the room and follows the instructions to the letter, they would be fine.

‘I know that Andrew!’ May shot back. ‘I’m just saying that we have brought a potentially dangerous inhuman onto the base without interrogation and without proper medical clearance.’

‘Interrogation? She’s never killed or seriously harmed anyone in her life, save Dr Bower, who can hardly be called a good doctor.’ Andrew kept up his argument. ‘She needs patience and time, I’ve done my assessment on her mental state concerning the possibility for her to become violent or aggressive and it's almost non existent. Shocking considering what we know about the serum she was injected with.’

‘The serum,’ Phil finally spoke up, seeing that the mission to collect the twins was a success. ‘Is supposed increase everything about an individual, that's why Steve Rodgers was chosen to be the first. He believed in standing up to the enemy and never backing down in a fight, those qualities only became more exaggerated once the serum was in his system.’

‘So what was she like before? What qualities have become exaggerated?’ Andrew asked.

‘Her pursuit of knowledge was always a factor, she was always focussed and motivated and her ability to keep secrets was astonishing.’ Phil thought for a moment about continuing but decided against it while May was sitting in front of him.

‘So now she’s able to keep secrets?’ May was angry and it was obvious from the beginning, but now it was being tested. ‘She could be keeping anything from us.’

‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’ Andrew shook his head. ‘She can’t always control what she says. She’s not needed to stay quiet about anything for three years and that on top of her hallucinations, means that she’s still adjusting to the normal social rules we have. However, I am inclined to believe that getting her talking to more than just you, me and Simmons is probably healthy.’

‘You forget Gavin.’ Phil offered, half meaning it.

‘A robot she built to be polite and to never get angry if she does.’ Andrew retorted. ‘Hardly an argument for her sanity.’

‘Is she still seeing things?’ Phil suddenly asked.

‘Probably.’ Andrew frowned and let a deep breath go. ‘I haven't asked her directly, but she’ll probably respond better if you ask.’ Phil nodded, May gave a look that said she had no desire to be part of the conversation anymore and Phil nodded for her to leave. ‘I think getting her to agree to us taking blood for testing will be much more difficult than we first thought.’

‘How so?’

‘I’ve looked over the files on how the serum is administered,’ Andrew looked down sadly. ‘She went through an incredible amount of pain, Phil. The serum was injected through a dozen needles, I imagine it would have felt similar to being burned from the inside out. That’s not something I’m going to be able to do much about.’

Phil could feel a sharp pain whip at his chest, he didn’t want to think about her being in pain ever and this was the exact thing he didn’t want to hear about.

‘What else can you tell me about the way she was before?’ Andrew asked and Phil almost laughed, he always knew when someone was holding something back.

‘She was brave, it took her a while, but eventually if there was something she really wanted to do, she’d find the courage.’ Phil reminisced for a moment. ‘She struggled to find words that matched up with how she felt, she always needed a little help in that area.’

‘That one I’ve noticed.’ Andrew nodded. ‘I want you to help her get out of that room more often, even if it's only for five minutes a day, don't make it routine, just drop I when you get a chance, maybe just start small and walk to your office for coffee or something. Giving her goals is a good thing, it seems to give her drive.’

Phil nodded and agreed he would do what he could. He spent the day thinking on how much progress Sixteen had really made. She still slept on the floor, preferring it to the comfort of a bed, something he wasn’t keen on and she still had a long way to go before she could be considered recovered.

He received confirmation that the last AI had been recovered in Sweden and taken to the SHIELD safe house. This was something he could make her smile about.

 

You had just about finished wiring the plane up and the second you were done, it should have been ready for testing before you put the coverings on. Gavin was still uploading into the main controls and Phil lay next to you in his trim suit, typing away on his phone.

‘Agent Sixteen, Director Coulson is at the door for you.’ Gavin called from your feet. You were still working underneath the plane. ‘I’ll let him in.’ Gavin said, you had reprogrammed him to allow Phil to be let in whenever he came to your door.

‘Thanks Gavin.’ Phil said, cheerfully and you glanced up to see him smiling as he entered your work space. 

‘I can’t get up just now.’ You said. ‘I’m in the middle of something.’ 

‘That’s fine.’ Phil called, you could hear him getting a little closer to you. ‘I just came to tell you that Volvo has been picked up safely and taken to a secure SHIELD safe house. That’s all of them collected now.’

You heard a slight creaking from above you and stopped what you were doing for a moment.

‘That’s good news.’ You responded, vaguely aware of what Phil had said, but more curious as to what had made that sound. ‘Gavin-‘ but before you could finish the sentence, the plane dropped from its chains and landed straight into your hands. You managed to take the weight and hold onto the frame above you, but you couldn’t move. ‘Gavin!’ You called and you could hear Phil rushing to try and do something.

Gavin jumped into action and lifted the small plane up enough that you let go and scrambled out from underneath to safety.

‘Are you okay?’ Phil immediately asked as you lay back on the floor, catching your breath.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ You nodded, still keeping your breathing under control. ‘Gavin, put it down, I’ll make repairs later.’ And Gavin did as he was told.

‘Do you need medical assistance?’ Gavin asked.

‘No, I’m fine.’ You shook your head and Phil helped you sit up. 

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Phil asked, getting you to look at him so he could check for anything serious.

‘Phil, I’m fine.’ You tried to make him see you were alright. ‘I’m okay, I promise.’

He sighed and nodded. ‘Would you object to going to see Simmons, just to be sure?’

You frowned momentarily. Why was he so worked up about this? ‘Not if you want me to go.’ You shook your head, trying to be brave and meet him half way at least.

‘Come on. Just for a check up.’ He assured you. ‘No blood tests or anything like, just making sure you’re fine.’

Phil stood up and offered his hand, you resisted for a moment, before taking it and feeling the familiar warmth you used to feel whenever he held you. You felt your face lighting up again and turned away to grab your jumper.

‘Well, nothing wrong at all.’ Simmons smiled as you sat on the edge of a chair. ‘Slight increase in heart rate, but to be expected when something heavy falls on you. I’m happy to clear you.’ She smiled again and wandered over to her tablet. 

‘How is her heart?’ Phil asked and you suddenly realised why he was so anxious to check you were okay.

‘It’s fine. On the rise as it usually is, but as long as you take your medication, there shouldn’t be any problems.’ She told you. ‘However, I think I might have found the problem that led to the increase. We know that the serum is unstable and can cause all sorts of problems, not just to do with your heart, but I think if we can find a way to stabilise it, we can fix all the problems, including the hallucinations.’

‘That’s if you’re still having them?’ Phil asked, but you had more pressing questions.

‘Wait, I thought we were trying to reverse the effects of the serum, not stabilise them?’ You wanted to go back to the way things were, not live with this.

 

‘I’m afraid there isn’t a way to do that.’ Simmons had a pained look about her. ‘I've gone over Dr Bower’s research too many times to count and it looks like he was trying to change the molecular structure of your cells, I’m afraid there isn’t a way to change that back to the way it was, but I do believe we can stabilise them. You can continue to live a perfectly healthy life with the serum and without fear of your heart giving out. I really do believe this is the best course of action.’ She said, sincerely.

You really didn’t want to hear that. You wanted to be the person you were three years ago, not someone else. You wanted Phil to love you again, you wanted to be confident for him, but it looked like your chances of that we're getting slimmer by the day.

‘I would appreciate any help you might be able to offer though.’ Simmons suddenly broke your train of thoughts. ‘You’ve been studying this much longer than I have.’

‘Okay.’ You nodded, not really listening to what she was saying. You jumped down from the chair and headed straight for your quarters. You could hear Phil following you and you didn’t mind in the slightest.

You turned a corner and walked straight into Bobbi who was carrying her own tablet.

‘Oh sorry.’ She said, immediately. You mumbled something about it being fine and went to walk past her. ‘Hey, I just wanted to apologise for… You know pointing a gun at you in the medical room… And for shooting your shoulder at the base.’

You hand immediately went up to your shoulder where you’d been hit. ‘Oh, yeah… I actually forgot about that.’ You admitted.

‘So, does that mean we’re cool?’ She clarified.

‘I guess.’ You shrugged and waited for her to step to one side to let you through. You could feel your heart rate going up, it had been a slightly overwhelming day already.

You got back to your room and got back to work on your plane, you could hear Phil pulling up a chair behind you.

‘Look, we’ll find a way to live with this.’ Phil said while you and Gavin began lifting the plane up to reattach it to the chains that kept it hanging. You picked up a screwdriver and began securing the plane properly. ‘You might be able to use this to help more people. I can always use a few more people for field missions and you're pretty handy to have around.’

You stopped everything and looked at Phil. ‘You would never have sent me into the field three years ago.’

He stood and wandered closer to you. ‘Things have changed. We've both changed and maybe it's for the better, maybe we can do more good like this?’ You didn’t say anything, you were scared of what he was asking you to do. ‘I’m not making you do anything, like I said before, there’s still no pressure to do anything at all. I just want you to think about what you’re really capable of and how you can use that to help us move forward.’

‘You mean like… Being able to lift things?’ You frowned, hating that about yourself. 

‘Your strength and speed are just two of the many skills you have now.’ Phil explained. ‘You said you read up on biology, I’m sure you didn’t stop there. You could help if anyone gets injured or infected with some unknown substance. You've always been good at engineering, Fitz and Mack can always use the extra hand in the garage. You have excellent computing skills and it's obvious you pick up on these things very quickly.’

‘You want me to make friends.’ You said, suddenly catching on to where he might have been going with this. Phil sighed and looked away. ‘Is that why Bobbi apologised to me in the hall there? Did you make her do that?’

‘Actually, no.’ Phil took his no nonsense stance. ‘I haven’t asked anyone to do anything, other than have a little patience, which is standard for when anyone comes onto the base anyway.’

‘I’m sorry.’ You said quickly. ‘I’m just…’ You never finished the sentence, you didn’t know what the words were. You leaned on the plane a little and sighed.

‘I understand.’ Phil said quietly behind you. ‘Do you want to talk to Dr Garner?’

‘No.’ You shook your head. ‘I want to be alone.’

It took Phil a moment, but eventually he left your room and you threw the screwdriver in you hand hard at the wall in frustration.

 

Phil heard the clatter of something hitting the wall and feared he had made the whole thing worse than he intended. He went back to his office and tried to continue working towards finding Ward.


	16. Baby Steps

Over the next few weeks, Phil had noticed a change in Sixteen. She began venturing out of her work space and helping Simmons research the serum properly. Phil hadn't pushed her into anything. He occasionally said his hello when he was in the lab, but that was it. He wanted her to do these things on her own, to be brave enough to interact with everyone else on her own.

‘She’s doing well.’ May commented as she wandered over to where Phil was watching Sixteen and Simmons go about their research. 

‘Yeah, she is.’ Phil agreed.

‘And that aircraft she built is just about ready to be field tested. Fitz has finished installing the cloaking device into it.’ Phil nodded and gave her a tight smile. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m just thinking about the old days. The way she used to be.’

‘Phil-‘

‘She’s different now, I know.’ He interrupted. ‘But on occasion I see glimpses of the woman she used to be. It makes me wonder if she’ll ever get close to that again.’

May stayed silent. She knew he wasn't really looking for any more conversation, just someone to hear what he had to say.

‘I’ll have her give the aircraft a check before we send it out. She’ll want to ensure everything is to her design specs.’ Phil said in a slightly more commanding tone.

‘I’ll let Fitz know.’ May nodded. ‘Did Andrew give you his final report?’

‘Yeah… It’ll be a while before she’s ready for field action, we would do well not to press the subject too hard with her. I would like you to train with her though, see what skills she might have picked up in that regard.’

‘She won’t agree to that.’

‘She will if I ask her.’ Phil shot back as they began walking away from the lab. ‘Andrew seems to think that she’s in a state of unknown just now, she’s still not quite sure of her place in the team and naturally looks to an authority figure or someone she knows to tell her what to do. In her eyes, I’m both. She’ll do what I ask if I explain the reasons to her.’

May stopped just outside his office and Phil turned back to frown at her. ‘That’s a lot of power to have over someone, Phil. Be sure you’re asking for the right reasons. If she’s as fragile as you say, she might not think to question your orders.’ May left him with that thought and walked towards the garage. He didn’t quite know how to process what she had just said, but it did have him thinking about the relationship he had with his wife.

 

‘So, training with Agent May?’ Simmons said as you entered the lab. You gave her a quizzical frown. ‘News travels pretty fast around here.’ She explained. ‘When did you agree to that?’

‘Last night.’ You said, sitting down at the computer you had been working on for the past couple of weeks. ‘Phil asked me to do it.’ Simmons made a strange cringing face. ‘What?’

‘Nothing, it's just weird hearing someone referring to the director by his first name.’ She said and you gave a small chuckle. ‘Anyway, the simulations are running and I could do with a cup of tea. Can I bring you one as well?’

‘Sure.’ You nodded, knowing that this was the routine everyday, you would enter the lab and Simmons would give you a quick update before she would go to make her morning tea. You began working on a new simulation that involved pumping your heart full of adrenaline and letting it elevate in case a similar event occurred to that of the terrogen crystals. 

‘How's it going?’ Phil asked as he sat down next to you, he wore his suit a little looser and you figured it was just your own tiredness being brought out in your subconscious.

‘Pretty good.’ You nodded, quickly checking around the lab, but no one was paying you any attention. ‘This simulation might be the answer to all my heart problems… But then I’ve been saying that about nearly all of them that we’ve done, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.’

‘I’m sure you’ll get there.’ He offered with a smile.

‘Well, you would say that.’ You chuckled slightly. ‘I’m nervous about this training with May though.’ You watched the screen as you spoke, hoping the simulation wouldn’t take too long. ‘Phil wants to see what I’m capable of physically, but honestly I don’t want to go into the field, I hated having to leave the base when I was on my own, I’m not sure I work well as part of a team either… I don’t see why he can’t train me anyway. He wants it be like it used to and before he died we were training together.’ You smiled at the thought of yourself not getting the moves quite right and having Phil laugh at you, not that you minded. 

‘Maybe he’s curious to see how far you’ve come?’ Phil offered, he really did look tired. Maybe you were wearing yourself out more than you thought.

‘Possibly.’ You nodded and went back to the screen. ‘I’m stronger than he thinks and I know I can move faster. I don’t want to hurt Agent May, she seems good, but the serum made it difficult for me to go down in a fight. I don’t want Phil to see me that way. I want him to love me again.’ You played with the hem of your jumper, thinking about how much you hated yourself, when one of the machines began beeping behind you. You quickly went over to it and once again absorbed yourself in your work. 

Simmons had come back at some point and you continued your work through the rest of the day.

 

Andrew had come back for a quick check up with a few people on the base and Phil decided to catch up with him as well.

He took his tie and suit jacket off as Andrew entered his office. Phil had a few missions to keep and eye on and put them up on the large screen while he and Andrew spoke.

‘Phil.’ He said and the two men shook hands. ‘What can I do for you?’ Andrew took a seat opposite Phil and gave his warm smile.

‘Sixteen.’ Phil sighed and sat down as well. ‘I was in the lab today and I think I might have answered the question over whether she’s still seeing things that aren’t there.’

‘Go on.’ Andrew gave Phil a curious look and brought his hand up to his face while he listened.

‘I think she thought I was a hallucination.’ Phil tried to explain. ‘She was talking about a conversation she had with me about training with May. I’m not going to ask what she sees when she’s hallucinating, but I think I can guess.’

‘What were you doing when she was talking to you?’

Phil shook his head. ‘I just sat down and asked how everything was going.’

‘Did you have your phone out?’ Phil shook his head. ‘You were wearing a suit?’

‘I had a meeting with Talbot over Bower’s transfer to another facility.’ Phil nodded.

Andrew sighed. ‘She only ever has two hallucinations, one good and one bad. Whenever she is in need of comfort or when she is loneliest she imagines you’re sitting with her. Often when people hallucinate, they imagine exaggerated versions of the reality. From our conversations she thought of you as someone who loves his job, but always willing to give her the time she required. So she imagines you working and asking her if she’s okay, that’s what she sees.’

Phil thought for a moment. ‘You said she sees something bad as well?’

Andrew nodded. ‘I never found out much about that. As soon as I asked or if skirted around the subject, she closed herself off and our session would end. Eventually I decided it wasn’t useful to force her to talk about it and hoped she would come forward and say something, but she never did.’ Phil wasn’t sure what to say, he didn’t want to think that she imagined anything bad happening to her or anyone else. ‘Phil, I can’t even tell you what triggers that hallucination, it might not be the opposite of the good things she sees, it could be something entirely unrelated.’

‘I understand.’ He nodded and looked up at the screen, so far the missions looked to be successful.

‘Something you might find useful though,’ Andrew stood up to leave. ‘She still talks as if your marriage has a chance. If you feel the same, she might be right.’

Phil was left for just a few minutes to his thoughts, before May interrupted to give her initial report on Sixteen’s progress. He hoped that his marriage still had a chance and if she felt the same way then he was absolutely certain that they would find a way to make it work.

‘She’s strong.’ May sat down, a little exhausted from the training session. ‘She’s fast and she knows a lot more than basic training. She’d be good in the field if you decide to put her in. Team work isn’t her strong suit though, we’ll need to work on that. Anything else you want me to find out?’

Phil looked over the report briefly. She could lift an extraordinary amount of weight and was faster than Lincoln by a considerable amount.

‘She lifted the bus?’ Phil exclaimed.

‘Only for a few seconds, but yeah.’ May was obviously impressed. ‘And it looks like she can sprint somewhere between four and five seconds over one hundred metres, any ideas what it was before?’

Phil shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t have thought it was under fifteen seconds at a push.’

‘Well, now she can outrun all of us and hopefully anyone we’re trying to catch.’ May stood up and went to leave.

‘The whole bus?’ Phil asked again.

‘Yeah, ask Bobbi, she and Hunter had a wager over it.’ That made Phil chuckle a little. He was glad she was finally making friends around the base and he hoped that they were now seeing that if it came to it, she would do everything she could to save everyone there.

 

The simulations hadn’t gone well, none of them did anything to stabilise the serum and you were starting to think that nothing could be done. 

It was late into the night and just about everyone had left the lab, you were just waiting on one more simulation to run before you headed off to bed for the night. Your watch began beeping and you looked down to find that your heart rate was starting to increase. You sighed and wandered over to Simmons desk drawer to grab your bottle of pills before going back to sprawl yourself over the work bench again.

Slowly you opened the bottle and took out a pill, placing it on the table in front of you, before resealing the bottle again.

You could see movement out of the corner of your eye. Phil.

‘Hey, you still up?’ He said, he looked like he’d had a long day, usually he wore a t shirt under his shirt, but this time he didn’t and you saw a small amount of chest hair poking out. You face went pink and you mentally rolled your eyes.

‘Just waiting on this simulation to finish.’ You explained and gestured for him to pass you the water at the end of the desk.

You sat up as he brought it over and handed it to you. 

‘What’s this one supposed to do?’ He asked, looking up at the screen.

‘It’s actually an old idea that Simmons had,’ you began to explain. ‘She thinks the serum might work like terrogenesis, so we started looking into pumping my heart full of adrenaline to take it up to three hundred beats per minutes to see if it would maybe reset.’

‘That sounds pretty dangerous.’ Phil had that concerned look on his face you remembered from when you told him about you big ideas. ‘Wouldn’t that kill you?’

‘Only for a moment.’ You shook your head. ‘Simmons would restart my heart and we’d find out what happened from there.’

You watch beeped again and you looked down to see your heart rate was reaching one hundred and twenty. You quickly took your pill and swallowed a mouthful of water. Phil gave you a worried look.

‘What?’ You asked.

‘Nothing, it's just that you don’t seem too concerned about dying.’ It was almost a snap and you understood. It hadn’t really crossed your mind that he was right, you would have to die before you woke up again and that was a slightly terrifying thought. ‘I’m not sure I’m happy about this. Even if the simulation comes back to say it works, I’m not sure I can give you my permission to try it. It just feels like TAHITI all over again.’

You watched Phil for a moment, before being brave and placing your hand over his. He looked down a little startled, but didn’t pull away.

‘Phil, it won’t work.’ You assured him. ‘Jemma and I have done every test we can, without taking any blood and there’s little chance of this being the answer. The serum isn’t remotely similar to anything we know about terrogenesis so there’s no reason to think that this could be the answer.’

‘Then why are you running the simulation?’

‘Because something else might come up, something might occur to us that we haven’t already thought of.’ You tried to explain without snapping at him, but you were tired and your heart was beginning to calm down again.

Phil sighed. ‘You know that this would all go a lot faster if you gave her some of your blood to test?’

‘I know.’ You took your hand away and looked down at the floor. ‘I just… I can’t, I don’t have the trust that she won’t hurt me just yet.’ You could see thoughts floating across Phil’s mind and wondered what he was thinking about.

‘What about me?’ He asked and you frowned, not understanding. ‘Do you trust me not to hurt you? I know how to take blood and I know you can help if I don’t do it right. I can do it for you?’

You took a breath and looked up at his soft blue eyes. ‘Phil, it's not just about trust. You have no idea what I went through, it nearly killed me and I’m terrified to be in that position again.’

‘But you won’t be.’ Phil begged. ‘I won’t ever let you be in that position again. All I want is for you to feel better. To be happy again.’ You almost thought Phil was going to kiss you and if you were honest, you might not have said no.

‘Okay.’ You croaked. It wasn’t full of any kind of confidence, but you trusted your husband with your life. Maybe this was just the first of bigger steps. ‘Okay, you can do it.’ You clarified and Phil didn’t waste any time. He opened a drawer near to you and got what he needed. 

‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’ Phil offered. ‘If it will help you see that I’m not going to hurt you?’ You nodded and took a deep breath.

It took a while, but eventually Phil took a small sample of blood. You had cried a little, but told him not to stop, you could do this, people did this everyday, you could do this for your husband. Phil put a small bandage over the wound and took the strap off of your arm. ‘You did it.’ He smiled.

You let out the breath you were holding onto and stood up to wrap your arms around him. ‘Thank you Phil.’ You whispered and felt him hold you against him. You thought he was about to say something when the computer made a noise to signal the simulation was finished running. You looked up to see it had failed. ‘See, it didn’t work.’ You chuckled a little. Phil just watched you. ‘I’ll go over the results with Jemma tomorrow… What?’

‘You were very brave just there. I’m very proud of you.’ He said quietly and you felt a small rush of excitement that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

You face flooded red for a moment, before you looked away and closed the lid of your laptop, tucking it under your arm.

‘I have a lot of work to do in the morning.’ You said, almost apologetically, though you had no idea what you were apologising for. ‘Will you stay with me tonight?’

Phil nodded and gestured for you to leave the lab in front of him. The base was quiet and hardly anyone was around. You chatted a little about what your days had consisted of until you reached your quarters. You put your laptop down on the desk and found that Gavin was already in sleep mode. 

‘How’s May doing with the plane?’ You asked, heading into your bedroom. Phil followed a few steps behind. 

‘Good, she says it flies better than the bus, which has to be a good thing.’ Phil smiled and you went to your drawer to grab a shirt and a pair of trousers to sleep in. ‘Sweetheart?’ Phil said as you began getting changed in the bathroom.

‘Yeah?’ You called back. It was a moment before he spoke again.

‘Do you want to try sleeping on the bed tonight?’ He asked and you stopped. You didn’t answer until you were dressed and out of the bathroom. Phil was already changed and sitting on the sofa that he always slept on when he stayed with you. 

‘Why?’ You asked.

Phil chuckled. ‘Because, honestly, it can’t be good for you to be sleeping on the hard floor every night. It might help you have less nightmares as well.’ You didn’t say anything. Instead you threw your clothes onto the chair and went to your usual spot on the floor next to Phil. He looked down at you and kept his smile. ‘Will you at least try for me?’

You shook your head. ‘I don’t like sleeping in a bed without you. It doesn’t feel right.’ You said honestly and Phil’s face dropped, like he suddenly understood what was going on in your head.

‘Do you want me to?’ He asked, sincerely. You felt that rush of excitement run through you again and your cheeks went pink. ‘I’m not sure if that’s a yes anymore.’ Phil frowned.

You smiled and looked down at your hands. ‘I’ll try.’ You said and Phil smiled warmly. ‘Just don’t leave me?’

‘I won’t, I promise.’ He assured you and together you slipped into bed. You flinched at first, but soon settled into that familiar feeling of Phil wrapped around you, keeping you safe from everything.


	17. The Woman He Married

It was just the way he remembered it. Her warm body pressed against his, the way he held her close for fear that she might run away to do something with her computer. He loved her, all of her and no matter how much she had changed, she was still the woman he married, the woman he chose to spend forever with. 

She didn’t sleep in the bed every night, but when she did, she never had a nightmare. He hoped that was a good thing. 

Simmons had come on leaps and bounds since they managed to get a blood sample from her, but it did confirm Sixteen’s worst fears. There was no cure for her. She was never going to be the same as she was. Phil watched as she cried and screamed in her bedroom, he held her as she cried and felt her strength as she wrapped her arms around him and held tight. It was never more than he could handle, but he was starting to believe she was strong enough to lift the bus, even for just a few seconds. 

It took another few weeks before she was ready to go back to researching a way to fix her heart, but when she did, Phil had been there to help when she needed it. Unfortunately he was in the middle of a situation with the inhumans. They were in the middle of chasing one with incredible strength. Phil hated to do it, but he might have needed Sixteen’s help for this one. The inhuman in question was causing a lot of trouble where petty robbery was concerned. Phil had ended the debrief from Daisy and Bobbi early, knowing exactly where it was leading.

‘I hate to say it,’ Daisy hadn’t quite left the room yet. ‘But we could really use Agent Sixteen’s help in this one. No one can match his strength, but she might-‘

‘Thank you, Daisy.’ Phil dismissed the comment and focussed on the work in front of him. He knew she wasn’t ready to go into the field just yet. She was still trying to make friends and feel comfortable around everyone.

Just as he was thinking about going to find her, she entered his office and sat down at the table in the middle of the room with her laptop and began typing away. He just watched her for a moment, wondering if she even took note of the fact he was there. 

‘I hear you have a field mission you want me to go on.’ She said, without looking up at him.

‘I was willing to discuss the mission with you and let you make up your own mind about going.’ Phil sighed. ‘You don’t have to do this, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do.’

She continued typing on her computer and Phil just waited patiently. ‘He’s hurting people Phil, you told me I might be able to do some good here… I think I should try.’ 

Phil took a deep breath and bowed his head a little. ‘If you’re sure, I can have you put on the stand by team for when we catch up to him again?’

‘I’m sure.’ She said, quietly and Phil wasn’t convinced she was in the slightest. 

‘Sweetheart, this is a life or death situation and I need you to be focussed on the mission, otherwise I can’t let you go in good conscience.’ He tried to make it clear that she could get seriously hurt in on his watch. 

‘I’m going to see May to prepare for it.’ She said, simply and stood up, leaving her laptop behind. She often did that and he always called Gavin to pick it up for her and take it back to her room. Phil could feel his stress levels rising slowly and he wondered how much more he could take before he broke down.

 

You had asked May and Bobbi to train with you that evening, two on one, the way it usually was. They had put up a good fight and you were doing well to keep your defences high. May had taught you a lot about fighting multiple enemies, to always ensure you kept both of them within your reach and as soon as one was down, to take the chance to throw a couple of extra shots at the other.

‘Good, but keep your guard up.’ May reminded you and you nodded, feeling Bobbi move behind you and blocking the shot before sweeping under her leg and jumping up again to deal May’s incoming attacks. 

You took a moment to help them up and took a quick sip of water.

‘I think two on one is getting a little too easy for you.’ Bobbi laughed. 

‘In that case,’ Daisy called from the door, she and Lincoln were in their work out gear. ‘How about a little three on one?’

You took a breath and gestured for her to step up.

‘Here we go.’ Bobbi said excitedly. 

‘Just remember, be aware of what’s around you.’ May was clearly the only one being responsible here. 

You took another breath and felt Bobbi make the first move again. You kept blocking and taking shots until it was just you and Daisy left, at which point it was a lot easier to put her down.

‘Not bad.’ You heard Lincoln say from the corner. You took another sip of water and nodded in thanks.

‘Feel free to make it four on one.’ You said cheekily. There was a brief moment of silence before everyone started laughing.

‘Well, that sounds like a real challenge.’ Lincoln retorted and stepped up to join in. 

‘So this is where everyone’s at.’ Hunter appeared at the door, curiously watching the everyone getting into position. ‘What you doing?’

‘Four on one.’ Bobbi said as everyone began taking up their positions around you. ‘If you win this, want to make it five on one?’

‘Maybe then it’ll be a real challenge.’ You raised your eyebrows and felt Lincoln hesitate in his movement before Daisy stepped forward to start the round.

It took a little longer and once again you and Daisy were the last ones standing, she was a little more cautious this time, but you stuck to your game plan, waiting for her to make the first thought before stepping in to either block or attack.

‘Five on one we agreed?’ You said, helping Daisy up. 

‘Why don’t we take a five minute break?’ May suggested and it was as if she was dealing with teenagers, everyone groaned but took the five minute break. May left the room for a moment and soon you had an audience.

‘Where did you learn how to fight?’ Daisy asked as you took another sip of water, checking your heart rate. It was fine for now.

‘Just picked things up here and there.’ You shrugged. ‘Gavin has training programmes installed and calculates every move you make to beat you.’

‘Isn’t that counter productive?’

You shook your head. ‘Makes you work harder to beat him, mixing up the movements and keeping an eye for patterns. Easy.’

‘Easy?’ She said, almost outraged. ‘Really?’ You just shrugged. ‘Well, I can see why Coulson wants you to give the field a try.’

You just frowned, but didn’t ask any questions. May had come back, looking a little fresher. ‘No one’s got anything better to do?’ She asked the crowd who didn’t move a muscle. ‘Fine. Five on one. Stay sharp Sixteen.’ She reminded you, yet again. You took a moment to check roughly where everyone was and waited for the first move to be made. Hunter.

You had spent a fair portion of the fight on your back, but still managed to get up and fight back. This time it was May who made it until the end.

‘Stay focussed, don’t get cocky.’ She made sure you understood, before quickly moving towards you. It didn’t take long for you to see how she moved and counter act it, you got in close and finally put her down. The crowd clapped and you took a breath, helping May up and suddenly spotting Phil at the door. You quickly looked away, checking your heart rate, still fine. 

He stepped forward to talk to May, most of the crowd began dispersing at that point. You were pretty tired and decided you were done for the night.

‘Okay, we’re done.’ May announced and you grabbed your bag and water, leaving to head back to your room, but not before Phil caught up to you.

‘Hey.’ He called and you turned back to see him catching up to you. You slowed down, but you didn’t stop. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, just my heart, I think.’ You said, checking you watch to find it was increasing, much to your relief.

‘That was very impressive.’ He gave you a smile. ‘I think you’ll do well in the field.’

‘Thanks.’ You gave a tight smile.

‘Hey, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted to learn how to fight?’ Phil asked, stopping you just as you got to his office door.

‘I wanted you to teach me.’ You snapped. Phil just gave you a blank stare. ‘You were supposed to teach me to defend myself. I was supposed to learn from you and…’ you felt your face flush scarlet as you remembered all those nights he was teaching you the basics of self defence.

‘And we were supposed to be together.’ He finished the sentence for you. Phil gently guided you into his office and closed the door. ‘We were supposed to be together.’ He said, a little calmer. ‘But for three years we weren't, we were apart and lonely and that happened and it's okay. It really is. We both did things that weren’t supposed to happen, but they did and now we’re here and I am trying to make the best of this.’ You took a deep breath, knowing that you needed to get your heart rate to slow down soon otherwise you’d be in trouble. ‘I am trying to make you feel normal again, but I’m also trying to make you see that we aren’t the same, nothing is the same and the way we were before isn’t the way we are now. I love you, but we can’t go back, we can only move forward.’

‘I know that!’ You exclaimed. ‘Phil, I know that. But I don’t know what forward is. I wake up next to you and the first thing I want to do is kiss you and tell you how much I love you, but I can’t because I get scared every time and I don’t know why.’ You rubbed your chest and Phil saw it, he went over to his desk and pulled out a bottle of the pills you took. ‘Why have you got these?’

Phil sighed. ‘Because, you spend a lot of time in here. I don’t want to be caught off guard.’ He said, almost helplessly. You took a pill and felt it having and effect immediately. ‘I want to kiss you too… Every day since I got you back, you have no idea how hard it has been for me to resist. You never made it seem like you were ready so I never pushed the subject… Sleeping next to you makes me happy. It makes me feel like I used to, like… Like I'm capable of anything in the world.’

You took a deep breath and strode over to Phil, wrapping your arms around him and just holding his strong body against you. Phil held you so tight, you thought he'd never let you go. ‘I want to make you feel like that all the time.’ You said into his chest. ‘I want to feel good again Phil. Please help me do that.’

‘You know I will, sweetheart, you know I will.’ He stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head and you breathed him in. You stayed wrapped around Phil for just a little longer, until you felt your legs starting to give. ‘Stay with me tonight.’ Phil whispered into your hair. You looked up at him and thought about what he was asking. ‘I’m not asking for anything other than your company.’ It was like he could read every thought you had.

‘Okay.’ You gave a small smile. Phil removed a small piece of hair from your face and smiled warmly. He pulled away and picked up your bag from the floor, leading you around the back of his office and up the stairs to his room. 

It was a little bigger than yours and was filled with just about every personal item you thought he had. The dark blue sheets of his bed were made perfectly and you remembered how Phil liked everything to be in its place. He wasn’t obsessive about it, he just liked a tidy home. You recognised small things from his old apartment, like his Captain America memorabilia, you loved that about him, the fact he never forgot his childhood or where he came from.

‘Can I take a shower?’ You asked.

‘Of course, it's just through here.’ Phil led you to the bathroom, before grabbing one of his shirts and a pair of shorts for you to wear, they would just about cover up your scar, but you knew you would have to be careful.

 

Phil felt a nervousness in the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t felt in a long time, it was like Madrid all over again and though he knew they weren't going to do anything other than sleep, he still felt like this was a big moment for them. He could hear the shower coming to a stop and quickly put his t shirt on, not wanting her to see his scar. Phil knew she wouldn’t care, but he didn’t want to be so exposed just yet. 

She eventually came out of the bathroom, drying her hair and he noted how beautiful she still was. She looked slightly more worn down, but that was it. 

‘Thanks.’ She said and he shook his head, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

‘No problem. Feel better?’ He asked, referring to more than just how fresh she felt. She smiled, knowing exactly what he was asking.

‘Yeah, my heart is holding steady at sixty.’ She strapped the watch on again properly and sat down, showing him the proof. ‘How do you feel?’ She had that familiar sincerity to her face that he remembered from all the conversations they’d had in their apartments.

‘I feel good.’ He nodded. ‘I feel a little nervous for some reason.’ He chuckled and she smiled up at him. Phil could see there was a question at the forefront of her mind and she looked at the floor before she asked it.

‘If I asked you to kiss me right now, would you do it?’ Her voice was a little shaky and Phil took a deep breath.

‘If it was what you really wanted, then yes I would.’ He tried to be as honest as possible. ‘Is it?’

‘Yes.’ She said, quickly and her face flushed that gorgeous shade of red he loved seeing. ‘But, I’m scared you’ll want…’

‘Want more?’ Phil offered and she nodded. ‘Well, I’ll always want more when I kiss you, but I promised I would never push you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I still want to do this on your terms, I want you to be confident with everything.’

She nodded and looked away again. Phil frowned, wondering what exactly she was thinking about. ‘You promise you love me?’

‘Of course, I do.’ Phil’s frown deepened.

‘Did you love Rosalind?’

Phil suddenly stilled. He wasn’t sure how to answer the question, he wasn’t expecting her to be so clam around the subject, much less ask him that specific question. Phil stood up and paced around a little. ‘How did you find out?’ He asked, more curiously than anything.

‘I heard Jemma and Daisy talking about her and I sort of worked it out from there.’ She shrugged.

‘And you’re not angry?’

‘I was.’ She admitted. ‘But then I thought about it… As far as you were aware I was dead and I’d be the worst person in the world if I didn’t want you to be happy after I’m gone.’

Phil sighed a breath of relief and kelt down in front of her. ‘I’m so sorry. If I’d known there was a chance you were still alive, I would never have gotten involved with her.’ Phil was begging for her forgiveness and he felt so guilty over what he had done.

She ran her hand over his cheek and looked down at him. ‘Kiss me.’ She had a determination about her that he recognised as her feeling confident, just for a moment, but it was there.

He didn’t hesitate, he leaned up slowly and gently brushed his lips over hers. She was still so soft and slightly nervous, but he didn’t mind. Phil put a little more pressure onto her lips, until finally he felt his wife against him again, her beautiful, perfect lips, locked with his. He felt his thumbs brush over her thigh slightly and she flinched and pulled away a little.

‘Sorry.’ She breathed.

‘It’s okay.’ He whispered back. ‘Everything is okay, I promise.’ He tried to reassure her. ‘Do you want to lay down?’ She nodded slightly and Phil slowly stood up, helping her into bed. She made it clear that she wanted to sleep on his chest and at first Phil was reluctant, but soon took a brave breath and adjusted so that she could rest against him.

‘Is this where your scar is?’ She asked, tracing near to where the silvery line ran up his chest. Phil breathed heavily for a moment.  
‘A little to the left.’ He said and braced for the moment she found it. ‘You want me to show you, don’t you?’

She stayed still for a moment, she took a deep breath and rolled onto her back. Phil watched as she had an internal debate with herself, before lifting her t shirt up just enough to reveal a nasty looking scar that ran from the middle of her stomach down beneath her shorts. Phil quickly rolled onto his elbow and examined the scar further.

‘It goes down to about half way up my thigh.’ She said, unable to look at him just yet.

‘Bower did this to you?’ Phil asked and she nodded. He could tell she was holding back the tears, but he wanted her to let them go, to let go of everything bad that ever happened to her. He leaned up and kissed her again, she let her tears go and sobbed into his chest. All Phil could do was hold her and feel the pain with her, it was all he could ever do. He couldn’t take away the memory and he couldn’t kill Bower, as much as he wanted to, so this was what he could do, he could hold her until she stopped crying and that was it.

Soon she took a few steady breaths and Phil decided it was time he was as brave as her. He stripped off his t shirt and lay back so she could see the scar in the middle of his chest.

‘It doesn’t bother me anymore.’ Phil said, answering the question that sat behind her eyes. ‘Here.’ He gently took her hand and placed it onto the scar, she began tracing over it with a look of concentration on her face, like she was trying hard not to hurt him. He could see her face lighting up pink and smiled a little. She gave him a quick look, before pressing her lips to his scar. Phil leaned back, just feeling her soft, warm lips against his skin. It was bliss like he’d never felt before, he’d never let Rosalind near his scars, but he’d let his wife do anything she wanted at that moment. ‘God.’ He moaned out and ran his hand through her drying hair.

She pulled away and Phil took a few deep breaths. ‘Was that okay?’ She asked with that shaky voice again.

‘More than.’ He smiled and stroked her cheek with his thumb, she gave a small glance to his lips and that was all the confirmation he needed to kiss her once more. She moaned into his movements and suddenly Phil stopped. ‘I’m sorry.’ He breathed against her lips. They weren’t ready for anything more just yet, but maybe one day soon they would be. Maybe he could make love to her the way he used to, maybe he could make her laugh the way she used to and maybe they would be okay again.


	18. Field Work

You hadn’t expected the mission to be so hectic. May, Daisy, Lincoln, Bobbi, Hunter, even Phil was rushing around like they weren’t quite prepared for this. Phil was putting on his body armour and everyone was getting geared up, ready to go, like they had done a thousand times before. But you still didn’t quite know your place within the team, so you simply watched for a moment, unsure of what you should be taking with you. Taylor, the inhuman, was to be taken in alive, so there was no need for guns, not that you really knew how to fire one anyway and you weren’t quite sure what the game plan was.

‘What do you usually take with you?’ Daisy asked. ‘When you left the base, what did you take?’

‘Erm… Blake, my laptop, helmet…’ You tried to think about what you did before ever leaving the base. ‘But I was always on my own, I don’t know how to do this.’ You said referring to working as a team. Daisy nodded and turned to Phil.

‘Coulson.’ She called and he quickly came over, loading his gun.

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked immediately looking at you. 

‘I think Sixteen should take point.’ Daisy said, rather bravely.

‘What?!’ Phil snapped. ‘Are you insane?’

‘Sir, I think this is the right call.’ She argued back. ‘Taylor is strong and the best shot we have is her. She’s not used to working as a team, so I suggest we work like her back up, only move in when she needs us… I think this is the right call.’

You watched Phil debate with himself internally for was seemed like an eternity. ‘I’m not letting her take point. Agent Sixteen will be our primary asset, but I’m sorry, you’re not going in alone.’ His word was final. Daisy just looked at you and tried to give you a somewhat apologetic look.

‘He was always stubborn.’ You offered and it made her smile a little.

‘Grab your helmet, Fitz can hook Gavin up to our systems and maybe give you a little help if this turns into a chase.’ Daisy nodded and turned away to finish gathering what she needed.

You picked up your riding jacket and zipped it up, feeling the material tighten and cling to your body the same way it always did. Phil was busy briefing the team and May was heading off to get the bus ready for take off.

‘Sixteen.’ Phil called and you turned to see him beckoning you over to join the briefing. ‘We’ll drop you and Blake down the road. Bobbi and May will be right behind you on their own vehicles, they’ll be your back up. Local authorities say that Taylor is hold up in a convenience store, he’s got hostages. We can’t let any of them get hurt. Am I understood?’

Everyone nodded and continued to prepare for the mission. You went back to the control panel where Gavin was being uploaded to the system.

‘Nervous?’ Phil asked, he was standing right behind you and startled you a little.

You shook your head. ‘Not really… A little.’ You admitted. ‘Phil, I haven’t worked as a team before, I don’t know how to work as part of one.’

‘That’s why Bobbi and May are going in with you.’ Phil explained quietly. ‘They’ll work to your terms, while the rest of us will help secure the hostages. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.’

‘Trusting you isn’t what I’m finding hard.’ You said, exasperated. ‘It’s everything else. I’ve never been in a fight where the other guy is actually trying to kill me. I’m scared to get hurt, because I don’t want you to worry and get distracted.’

‘Then I won't.’ He said, simply and you scoffed, not believing he was being genuine. ‘If you get hurt, seriously hurt, I’ll worry, but I won’t come to help you until the mission is complete or an opportunity arises to check on you. Does that make you feel better?’

‘Not really.’ You chuckled. ‘But I think it's the right thing to do. To keep us both safe.’

Phil gave a small smile and you could see he wanted to give you a quick kiss before leaving you in peace, but he didn’t, instead Phil sighed and looked around the bus. ‘Don’t get hurt.’ He said, quietly and wandered off up the stairs.

You hoped for his sake you wouldn’t, but something told you that this would be a hard mission to complete without anyone getting hurt. 

You climbed on Blake and got your helmet ready to slip on. You had landed just on the outskirts of the town Taylor had been spotted in and everyone was getting ready to leave. You could see Bobbi and May getting on their own bikes, Daisy, Lincoln and Hunter about to jump in the jeep and Phil descending the stairs, he had a determined look on his face and strode over to you.

‘Gavin’s been uploaded?’ He asked and you nodded. ‘Good.’ Phil pressed a small kiss to your cheek. ‘You can do this. We’ll be right behind you.’ He said and went to climb into the car. You caught the exchange of glances between Bobbi and May that said they didn’t really approve, but you had felt a rush of confidence. Phil had made you feel brave again.

You slipped on your helmet and saw the screen light up with the road ahead. ‘We’ll be right behind you Sixteen.’ Bobbi said over the comms and you immediately revved the engine, speeding out of the bus and off towards the convenience store in the middle of the dusty town.

‘May are you seeing this?’ Bobbi asked as you all rode down the main road of the town.

‘Not a soul in sight.’ She agreed. 

‘Gavin, I need heat signatures.’ You said and on cue, Gavin brought up the data. You came to a stop in the middle of the road and looked around. You got off Blake and walked into some space, looking around at all the families cowering away in their homes.

‘What’s going on?’ Phil said, and you momentarily forgot they couldn’t see what you could see.

‘Sorry. Everyone’s inside. He’s got everyone scared, Phil.’ You quickly said, your voice was a little shaky.

‘Can you see Taylor?’ You did one quick scan and saw a huge heat signature appearing from behind a building in front of you. ‘Never mind, we see him.’

Gavin switched the screen back so you could see what was going on. A huge beast of a man was walking straight towards you and you felt fear flooding your entire body.

‘Sixteen!’ May yelled, but you were frozen to the ground. That was until Taylor swung his huge arm at you, catching your chest and sending you flying back onto the hood of the SHIELD car, smashing the windscreen. Gavin gave you a quick initial report, no permanent injuries. When you looked up, you could see May and Bobbi moving in slowly, with Lincoln and Daisy trying to close in from behind. 

Bobbi made the first move and soon the fighting began. You felt your rib cage bruising the more you moved, but as soon as you saw Phil go down, you didn’t care. Everyone had been hit badly that you were the last one able to do anything to stop this guy.

‘Hey!’ You yelled and strode over to where Taylor stood. He picked up Blake and threw it in your direction, you caught your bike and put it down to one side, apparently surprising Taylor that you were so strong.

Your display only seemed to increase his enjoyment at hurting the team and you watched him move towards Hunter who was struggling to get back up. You broke out into a sprint and threw your legs out to catch Taylor’s leg. He fell onto one knee, but it wasn’t enough to keep him down for long.

He threw his arm up and you caught it, just about. You slid backwards towards where Bobbi and Phil were lying, trying to get up again.

‘Sixteen, take him down now!’ Bobbi yelled and you caught the end of a fearful look from Phil. You didn’t have time to try and work out why he looked like that, instead you needed to block the incoming force that was Taylor. He threw a few punches and you stopped every single one, but trying to get the upper hand would be much harder. He just didn’t stop, he had incredible stamina, something you seemed to lack, severely.

Taylor had worn you down enough to land you on your back, you a managed to roll out of the way of a punch, but not the hard kick into your already bruised ribs. You hit the hard ground and cracked up your helmet. The screen was too badly damaged for you to be able to use Gavin anymore, you were on your own. 

You managed to get it off and looked up just in time to see Taylor running towards you at full speed. You struggled to your feet and managed to catch him just right to flip his heavy body over your shoulder. He shook the ground around you slightly with the weight of his body, but you didn’t stop, you quickly grabbed the front tyre of one of the bikes and slammed it onto his body.

He kept trying to get up, but you couldn’t let him hurt anyone else, so you kept going, you slammed the bike into his body, over and over again until he was just barely hanging on. You took a breath and drove your foot into the right part of his skull to force him to lose consciousness. 

‘Sixteen!’ Bobbi and Daisy were the first to you. You didn’t realise it at the time, but Taylor had thrown you so hard into the ground that you didn’t notice that you’d landed on a piece of glass that had wedged itself into your rib cage. You were bleeding heavily.

‘Secure Taylor!’ Phil yelled. ‘Get him on the bus now!’ He barked and the second Taylor was being moved he came over to see you. ‘Are you alright?’ He asked, looking down at where you were unzipping your jacket and gently peeling it away.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ You panted. You could just about see where the glass had pierced and it didn’t look to be life threatening, so you curled your hand around it and slowly eased it out.

‘Daisy, get Blake and the helmet back safely. Lincoln you’re with us.’ Phil barked his orders again. ‘We need to get you to Simmons, now.’ He said, much more quietly to you. 

Phil helped you into the back of the car and that was when your watch began beeping, your heart rate was flying through the roof.

‘Phil.’ You said, unable to say anything else of use. You watched as he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a familiar pill bottle, but it was already too late, you were going into shock, you were losing blood and you were losing consciousness.

‘Get pressure on it.’ You heard Lincoln yell and suddenly there was a massive amount pain in your rib cage and you were gone.

 

You picked up the gloves and slipped them onto your hands, hearing the familiar snap of the elastic hitting your wrist. 

‘Holding steady at one hundred and sixty.’ A slightly panicked voice echoed in the room around you.

You counted each individual tool you had laid out on the metal counter. A scalpel, scissors, a saw, several different sizes of clamp and a blow torch. You slipped on the mask around your face and took a deep breath.

‘It’s dropping.’ They sounded surprised.

One more deep breath.

‘Sixty… Why hasn’t she woken up?’

You turned around to see a familiar face lying on the table. You’d start with the scalpel, you could feel the cool metal sliding into your hand and it was like music. The small tool slipping into your grasp so elegantly, like strings on a violin vibrating. Another deep breath.

‘It’s slipping down to thirty… How is she doing that?’

‘It’s all about the breathing.’ You whispered.

You stepped up to the body and careful ran you hand over the soft, skin, again like music. Water running through rocks, crashing and weaving in and out of crevices. Beautiful.

The incision would be made from half way down the abdomen and a single line would go all the way to half way down the thigh. But you had one problem. The body began screaming, writhing and the incision wasn’t a perfect line. It was jagged. It wasn’t music anymore. It was like your ears were bleeding.

‘Her heart rate is rising again… Sixty.’

You kept cutting, you needed to go deeper. There was a raging pulse echoing all around the room, but you had to keep cutting, deeper and deeper.

‘Coulson!’

‘One hundred and ten!’

You suddenly felt a warm tingling sensation running up your arm, like someone was tracing their fingers over the bare skin. 

‘Sweetheart.’ Phil whispered just under your ear. His hand came down to take the scalpel from your hand and suddenly the gloves were gone, the mask was gone and all you were left with was your body lying on a slab in front of you. ‘You’re hurt.’ He whispered. 

He was right, you had cut yourself so deeply that blood was pouring out by the bucket load, you needed to make it stop.

‘You can’t die.’ Phil said and guided your hand to where you had made the incision. ‘I need you. I love you.’ He whispered and kissed your neck softly. 

You suddenly felt clarity like you hadn't felt in years. A bright light of vision, you concentrated and let your hand drift over the incision, turning it into a harmless scar and nothing more.

‘You’re healing yourself.’ Phil said, realising that it was you doing that all by yourself. ‘Keep going.’

You moved your hand over to where a piece of glass was poking out of your rib cage and gently pulled it out and went about healing the wound over again. You had several smaller cuts on your hands that you needed to fix as well, they took much less time than the incision and your rib cage.

‘I did it.’ You turned around to find Phil watching you, smiling. You looked down to see yourself almost entirely healed over.

‘You’re beautiful.’ Phil said quietly and strode up to you, pressing a warm soft kiss to your lips. ‘I never stopped loving you.’ He whispered.

‘Phil.’ You whispered back and suddenly felt a bright white light hitting your eyes. You were waking up.

 

Phil had barely gotten her back on the bus and she was already healing faster than anyone expected. Her heart rate had shot up, gone back down and shot up again before Simmons finally injected her with something to help. Her ribs were simply bruised and nothing more.

‘I don’t believe it.’ Simmons had said over and over again. ‘She’s fine.’ 

Sixteen had, in the space of a few hours, almost recovered entirely from her wounds. She was waking up and probably in pain.

‘Phil.’ She breathed again.

‘I’m here.’ Phil said, holding her hand and trying to get into her line of sight so she didn’t have to strain. ‘I’m right here.’ Phil had done what he could, encouraging her to keep healing, to keep surviving, but he hadn’t expected anything like this.

‘I didn’t die.’ She said and almost smiled. Phil couldn’t help his small chuckle.

‘No, no you didn’t.’

‘You told me not to and I didn’t.’ She seemed a lot happier with herself than what Phil considered normal. 

‘And I’m happy you’re alive.’ Phil smiled. ‘Get some rest, we’ll be landing soon.’ He told her and kissed her forehead gently. She did as he asked and closed her eyes to sleep again. Phil went over to where everyone else was getting treated.

‘I just can’t believe it.’ Simmons repeated. ‘I’m sorry sir, but she should be dead or at least in some kind of coma. The human body simply cannot go through that kind of trauma and survive unscathed.

‘Maybe she can.’ Phil reasoned back. He had sustained a few bruises on his rib cage as well and grabbed another ice pack to help. ‘Like we keep saying, she’s not the same as she was before, her biology is different. She can survive more than any of us now.’

‘Her stamina needs work though.’ May added. She gestured for Phil to talk to her away from prying ears. ‘She could have died today. There was no way she was going to be able to keep up that kind of effort for long.’

‘I know, I saw it too.’ Phil admitted. He had seen how she struggled to keep up with the strength of Taylor, she wouldn’t have lasted any more than ten minutes, fifteen at a push. ‘I’m just glad the situation was resolved quickly… You’ll have to start work on stamina though, I can’t put her at risk like that again.’

May nodded and let a breath go. ‘Have you talked to her?’ Phil frowned. ‘About how you both feel?’ 

Phil shook his head. ‘It’s complicated, we know how we both feel, but it's hard accepting that this won’t ever be what it was. We’re too different now.’ Phil said, sadly. ‘For the first time in my life, I’m scared she’ll leave me when she realises I’m not the man she married.’

‘You’re a better man.’ May tried to get him to see reason. ‘She married a good man, but now you’re a great man… It’s not just me, Bobbi’s noticed the way she looks at you. You’re right, there's a lot of confusion and a lot of complication, but she still thinks the world of you.’

Phil smiled at his friend. ‘I hope you’re right. I can’t lose her again.’

May gave him a somewhat comforting smile, not her strong suit, but Phil liked that she tried.


	19. Three Is Just A Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it, apologies it's taken so long, but this isn't the last chapter in the Network series and I hope you all enjoyed the story xx

You got back to base feeling noticeably more alert. Your ribs were killing you, but you were medically fine. Just the bruising to deal with and that was it. It was dark by the time you got back to base and Jemma wanted to give you another check up, just to be sure.

Phil had come down to check on you as well as grab yet another ice pack.

‘Sir, some swelling will occur, no matter how much ice you put on it.’ Jemma had reminded him, yet again.

‘I know. It's just a comfort thing.’ He shot back with a small smile. ‘How’s our patient?’

‘Medically fine.’ Jemma shook her head, still not believing it. ‘I just can’t believe how fast you managed to heal yourself. You were haemorrhaging, losing blood at an alarming rate and yet, here you are, perfectly fine.’

‘Yeah, I get lucky… A lot.’ You said and jumped down from the bed, feeling the ache settle in your ribs. ‘Am I free to go?’

‘Yes, but please come back in the morning and let me know how you feel. I want to get another look at where the glass entered.’

‘No problem.’ You nodded and left the medical lab. You could hear Phil keeping up with you and turned to see him fiddling with the ice pack, you could see something was playing on his mind, before suddenly realising that this was something he wasn’t just going to get over. ‘You want to talk about what happened, don’t you?’

Phil sighed and looked at you. ‘Stay with me tonight, let me feel like I’m helping you get better.’

‘I am better.’ You shook your head, not understanding. You stayed still and let Phil think about his next words.

‘Please?’ It was definitely a beg and it was something you’d never say no to. Phil needed you. You nodded and let him take you to his room again. He was having trouble taking his shirt off with his injury and you took pity on him.

‘Here.’ You said and took over from his hands unbuttoning his shirt. ‘Do you remember the first time I saw you without your shirt?’ You asked, a little out of the blue, but Phil smiled and nodded anyway. ‘We were supposed to have a nice quiet dinner, dance and talk about things that didn’t matter, but we didn't… It ended with me getting hurt and you needing to save me.’

You gently pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and looked over the strong chest you missed for so many years. 

‘I remember you wore a dark red dress.’ He suddenly said. You grabbed the ice and pressed it gently to his bruises. ‘I remember you were working and lost track of time, you danced and sang along with your music and I watched you. You were so beautiful, I couldn’t believe I was about to go on a date with you. I couldn’t believe I got to dance with you and talk to you about anything you wanted.’ Phil ran his hand over yours and drifted up to your shoulder, just tracing the skin slowly. ‘I miss seeing you like that, nervous and brave all at the same time. You were never scared, just nervous, but nothing in the world seemed to terrify you the way it should.’

‘You did.’ You hadn’t quite meant to say it. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. It just sort of came out.’

‘I intimidated you.’ Phil suddenly had a sadness to him that you were desperate to erase. ‘It was never my intention, it still isn't… I hated that I scared you when you first got here. I still feel guilty about it, but it was necessary, can you at least see that?’

You tried not to nod, but it was no good, you knew he was right, he was always right. 

‘I’m sorry you got hurt on mission today, that honestly wasn’t my intention.’

‘I know… I just… I wanted to help, to make you happy with me.’ You tried to explain. ‘Sometimes, I feel like you aren’t happy that I’m here. You don’t look at me the way you used to. I can see that you still love me and when you kiss me, I can feel it, but I think I’m starting to realise how different we really are now…’ You felt a lump form in your throat. ‘I’m scared for the future. I’m scared we don’t have one.’

Phil shook his head and pulled you close to him. ‘Of course we have one. Whatever happens along the way, we have a future, I promise.’ 

You listened to Phil’s heart beating next to your ear and smiled. ‘It's still the same.’ You said, looking up at Phil who had a frown on his face. ‘Your heart, it's still the same one I used to listen to.’

You saw something happen behind his eyes, a darkness you remembered gave you a rush of excitement in the pit of your stomach. Phil slowly leaned down and pressed the gentlest kiss he could to your lips and you could feel the restraint, but you didn’t want him to resist, you wanted him. All of him. You carefully deepened the kiss and felt him slip his hands around your waist, stroking his thumbs over your hip bones, the way you liked.

You parted your lips just slightly and Phil took his cue to gently map out the inside of your mouth, making you moan up into him. But suddenly you both stopped, breathing against each other. ‘Sorry.’ You said and Phil shook his head.

‘Don’t be.’ He was still trying to get his breath back as well. ‘I’ve missed that.’

‘Did Rosalind do that?’ Why did these things always slip out at the wrong time?! What was wrong with you?! Phil just looked at you, hurt that you would ask him that. ‘I didn’t… Mean… It just came out.’

‘Sweetheart, why would you ask me that?’ You took a step back from Phil handing him the ice pack you had been holding against his ribs. ‘It really bothers you, doesn’t it?’

‘Kind of.’ You shrugged, having no desire to talk about this anymore. ‘I don’t… I can’t… Things still keep slipping out, I don't know how to stop myself saying things that I’m thinking, but I don’t… Mean them.’ 

Phil didn’t know what to say, he watched you for a moment, before distracting himself with the ice pack and then looking back at you. ‘I can’t change what happened.’ He said, quietly. ‘I can’t get back the time we lost. I can’t change the decisions I made, like you said before, I thought you were gone and I needed somebody to stop me hurting from that… I never loved her, not the way I love you.’

‘I know.’ You said. ‘I know that, but it doesn’t stop me hating that someone else made you feel happy. It doesn’t stop me hating her.’ You were exhausted and sat on the edge of Phil’s bed with your head in your hands. ‘I don’t want to feel like this… It's too much.’ You felt the tears beginning to pour out and right when you needed him, Phil was on his knees in front of you, wiping away your tears. 

‘Do you remember the first time we were together?’ Phil asked, and kept wiping the tears as they came. ‘Madrid, we went to dinner and I told you something, I told you that I was incredibly attracted to you. You wore that blue dress and when you were on the bridge, you looked so young and carefree and I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you… I never felt that with Rosalind. We were from two different organisations, like us, we had responsibilities to those organisations, like we did and our objectives collided constantly, like ours did, but unlike us, and this is the most important part, unlike us, I never saw us lasting. I never saw a life with her. I saw myself growing tired of her easily, I sympathised with her, but I also felt sorry for her. I never felt sorry for you, because you showed me every day that I didn’t need to. That you could lose everything and still wake up wanting to help the people that needed you to help. I remember Madrid. I remember it as the first time I truly fell in love with you.’

You could suddenly see it. Everything. Everything that had happened over the past three years washing over Phil. The hurt, the anger, the heart ache, everything and you felt it too. You felt the pain as well.

‘I remember Madrid too.’ You said, feeling the tears subsiding. ‘I never went back there though. It reminded me too much of what we had. It reminded me that I was real for a while and I didn’t want to feel real anymore, it hurt too much… I don’t hate you for what you did, I just wish it hadn’t been necessary, I wish we didn’t have to be apart… Every time I looked at that photo of us, I remembered that night and how I wanted to be yours. It made me happy.’ You couldn’t help your smile at the memory. ‘That night meant more to me than anything else, because it made me feel safe with you. It told me that I was wrong to think that you could ever hurt me. I was so in love with you, it almost hurt.’ You both gave a small chuckle. ‘I don’t think I could ever have felt that for anyone else.’

‘Me neither.’ Phil said and wiped away the last tear, smiling at you. ‘Will you still stay with me tonight?’

You thought for a moment about heading back to your room, but really, you didn’t need to. You had come so close to dying that day and the last thing you needed was to be alone. You nodded and Phil let out a relieved breath. ‘I have a condition though.’ Phil frowned slightly. ‘Promise we’ll make love again, I don’t know when we’ll be ready for that, but just promise me we’ll do it again. I want to make you happy.’

Phil smiled and you could see his eyes darkening. ‘Of course. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there.’ You could tell that if you had asked, Phil would make love to you right there and then, but the truth was that you weren’t ready for him to see you again.

 

Taylor had been transferred over to a secure facility with Talbot and Phil was finally able to work out again without feeling any pain in his ribs. Sixteen was upset over her helmet and spent the week fixing it with Gavin’s help. Phil was beginning to see just the kind of relationship she had formed with the robot over the three years she had been away and he felt for her. It couldn’t have been easy to be so alone for such a long time and he felt himself wanting to find a way to go back and change what happened. Surely that was possible? If he could come back from the dead and Daisy could get super powers, then surely time travel wasn’t that much of a stretch.

Every time Phil found himself thinking that, he tried to find something to distract himself, knowing that nothing could take away those three years and it wasn’t right or healthy to keep thinking that way. 

He was glad to see that she was making friends with Simmons and Bobbi, who she seemed to be closest to. May had been the one to channel her focus properly, something she hadn’t had much of over the years and she was benefitting from it profoundly. She had made repairs on the bus and quinjet in half the time of anyone else, she had rebuilt the vehicles that the other engineers believed to be lost in various missions and saved Phil a lot of money in that instance.

She had started on a new project that kept her locked away in her work space more often than not and for a while it had worried Phil that she was closing herself off again. But any time someone knocked on the door, she was happy to leave and grab coffee with them or help with whatever they needed. She was getting so much better with every passing day, except for one thing. She still hallucinated. 

Phil had caught her once, staring down a corridor with an incredibly pained look on her face. There was nothing there, but she was staring like she was watching something play out. She had tried to convince him that she wasn’t looking at anything, that she was fine, but Phil knew she wasn’t. He didn’t press the matter at the time, but he had called in Andrew again to assess her once more.

Phil had made it mandatory that everyone on active duty on the base have a session with Andrew to help cover the fact that his wife was still seeing things that weren’t there. However, Andrew’s assessment wasn’t what Phil expected to hear.

‘Have you been sleeping with Agent Sixteen?’ Andrew asked, seconds after he sat down in Phil’s office. Phil had just finished reading a few reports and gave Andrew a blank stare. ‘Either sexually or otherwise?’ Andrew specified, but it still seemed to be a little out of context. Phil took his glasses off and thought about it.

‘Yes.’ There was no point in lying.

‘Then have you explored the possibility that the hallucinations might not be psychological?’

‘I don’t see how the two connect.’ Phil frowned.

‘It’s not always a psychological problem. Seeing things that aren’t there can mean that the patient is either suffering some kind of emotional trauma or that something is putting pressure on that area of the brain chemically.’ He explained. ‘Has Simmons run any tests on her brain to see what’s going on in there?’

‘No, she’s scared of the machines in the lab.’ Phil shook his head. ‘We can’t get her to agree to doing it.’

‘And you can’t get her to give blood willingly.’ Andrew sighed. ‘She’s emotionally traumatised by her experiences with Dr Bower and the serum, but that’s not why she’s seeing things. She has nightmares about those events and as far as I can see, they’ve never leaked out into her consciousness. She’s aware and has accepted what happened to her. This isn’t a problem I can solve with a few sessions.’

Phil sighed and nodded. He could feel his stress levels rising. ‘Okay, thanks Andrew.’ He said and presumed that would be the end of the conversation, but Andrew didn’t move. ‘Something else I can help you with?’

‘No.’ Andrew stood up and buttoned his jacket. ‘But I will leave you with this thought. Sometimes people need a small push to realise how ready they are for something.’ And with that he left Phil alone in his office. He thought on Andrew’s words for a while, until May interrupted his thoughts with an update on a current mission he had running.

 

You knew that Phil had brought Andrew back to assess you again and a part of you minded, but another part recognised that he just wanted to help. He knew you were still hallucinating, he had caught you once staring down a corridor at the image of Gavin fixing circuits inside your chest. It wasn’t a pleasant thought, but it was one you had grown accustomed to over the years, you hadn’t felt like a real person and this was just your subconscious playing games with you.

You looked over to where Gavin was tidying the mess you’d made in your work space and tried not to think about him fiddling about with anything inside you. You were nearly finished your project and hoped that both Phil and Jemma would be impressed. That was when a knock came at the door. You continued working while Gavin answered it.

‘Director Coulson, would you like me to go into sleep mode?’ Gavin said and it made you laugh a little.

‘It’s fine, I’m not here for long.’ Phil said and you turned to see him wearing his suit. An image you hadn’t seen in a very long time. It stopped you in your tracks and you felt your face flood red, knowing that you loved him in his suit. ‘Well, I’m glad you still feel that way.’ Phil smiled and you rolled your eyes laughing a little. ‘I’m just back from a meeting, I need to go and see May about it, but I thought I’d stop by and ask if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight?’

You hadn’t meant to, but you dropped your electric drill when you heard the question. You quickly scrambled to pick it up again and placed it carefully down on the table near the machine.

‘Agent Sixteen, your heart rate has just increased rapidly, might I suggest taking-‘

‘It’s fine Gavin, thank you. You can power down. I’ll reactivate you when we’re done.’ You said, you voice a little shaky. Gavin went to sit in the corner and powered down like he had been told. ‘You want me to go out…?’

‘I was thinking we go pick up some Chinese, if you want? I just thought it might be nice for us to get out of here for a while and take a walk?’ Phil had that quiet confidence about him, that had you knowing you’d say yes one way or another.

‘I… I don’t know if I… Can.’ You mentally scolded yourself for being so nervous around Phil. 

‘Well, I know you can.’ Phil took a step forward. ‘It’s more a question of if you want to.’

‘I want to.’ You said a little too quickly. ‘I just-‘

‘Good, then it's settled.’ Phil interrupted before you could argue. ‘I’ll come back in a few hours and we’ll pick up some Chinese.’ Phil smiled, knowing full well what he was doing. You just laughed and shook you head as he left your quarters.

 

You had just about finished your project, it just needed to go through testing before you could show Phil and Jemma. Gavin had been warning you about your increasing heart rate and you could see it reaching one hundred before you finally gave in and settled it down.

‘Your health is important Agent Sixteen.’ Gavin reasoned.

‘I know, I know, I just hate being like this.’

‘Then might I suggest finding a solution?’ He was really starting to push your buttons.

‘Yes, that’s what the scanner I’m building is for to see if there is a solution.’ You snapped, hearing Phil knocking on the door. For whatever reason you had left it open after you went to get coffee. 

‘Bad time?’ He asked and suddenly looked so much more normal in his jeans and jacket. You sighed, looking at Gavin who had that blank stare as if he didn’t know what the question meant.

‘No, we were just arguing.’ You said and tossed your screwdriver onto the table.

‘What’s that like?’ Phil stepped a little further into your work space and tried to get a look at your project.

‘Frustrating at the best of times.’ You quickly covered it up and gave him a playful scowl. ‘Let me just change my shirt and we can go.’ You walked into your room and grabbed a vest to wear under your thin black cardigan, it wasn't quite summer yet, but it was getting warmer. You didn’t know why, but you caught sight of the three rings on your bedside table. For some unknown reason, you decided to keep them in your pocket.

‘You don’t need to be nervous.’ Phil said as you arrived in front of him. ‘We’re just going for dinner, we used to do this all the time and you were never nervous.’

‘I know, it's just been a while since I’ve done this sort of thing.’ You admitted.

‘Well, it’s been a while since I’ve done it as well, if that makes you feel any better?’ Phil smiled and you just laughed walking out with him.

You got a couple of suspicious looks from other agents as you left the base with their boss and felt a small amount of discomfort at the looks people were giving you.

‘Hey.’ Phil said, grabbing your attention. ‘Don’t focus on that, just focus on spending time with me, you don’t need to worry about anything else.’ You took a breath and realised he was right, all you needed to do was be with him and you’d be fine. You stepped out into the cool summer evening and walked with Phil towards the Chinese take out down the road. It was an odd feeling, you felt a little exposed and in the open and it unnerved you to see so many people just wandering around after their long days of work.

‘So, did you have a good meeting?’ You asked, trying to distract yourself from the discomfort lodging itself in the pit of your stomach. Phil just gave you an odd look.

‘It was productive.’ He shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t have used the word “good” though… How’s your project coming along?’

You nodded your head, feeling a little excited. ‘Yeah, really good actually. It’s nearly finished and I think you’ll really like it. It’s going to help Jemma do a lot of good work, I think.’

‘Can I ask what it is?’ 

‘You can ask.’ You said and Phil gave a small chuckle. ‘Come and see me tomorrow evening when I’ve put it through testing and you can see.’

‘Okay, I will.’ You stopped at the edge of the road and waited until it was safe to cross. ‘I should mention something that keeps coming up.’ Phil admitted. ‘May keeps reminding me that all SHIELD employees have to write reports on any projects they're working on so that we know what's going on.’

‘Oh.’ You said, realising that of course Phil would need to know what was going on under his roof.

‘I keep telling her that I know what you’re doing so it's fine.’ Phil quickly said. ‘But, I am starting to become slightly more aware of what she’s really talking about. We can’t have you build something that could potentially backfire and leave us without knowledge on how to shut it down or help you. Do you understand what I’m saying?’

‘Yeah, no, I do. I just… I keep forgetting that I’m working under new rules now.’ You gave a half laugh and crossed the road with Phil. ‘I’ll write a report on this one when it's done and hand it in.’ You assured him.

There was a small silence between the two of you before Phil spoke. ‘At risk of sounding like a nervous teenager, do you mind if I hold your hand?’ You could see him flushing pink and it made you laugh a little. ‘Is that a yes?’ You nodded a little weakly and felt his warm hand gently slipping into your own. It felt nice, like this was what you were missing over the last few years, just a piece of normality, every day life. 

You eventually began talking about the street you were on and various different shops, mostly just laughing at how many different take outs there were and exchange shops.

‘How do they all stay in business?’ You laughed.

‘Probably all run by drug lords.’ Phil shrugged and you were only half sure he was joking. You finally got to the take out Phil liked and ordered. 

‘So, got any high profile SHIELD secrets you can’t tell me about?’ You smiled and Phil could see your playful side was still there, he just laughed.

‘You realise you’re a part of SHIELD now?’

‘Huh… I guess I am.’ You let yourself take in the new found information.

‘I’m afraid I don’t have a badge to give you or anything.’ Phil winked and you rolled your eyes, suddenly feeling the rings inside your pocket. ‘What’s wrong?’ You suddenly realised you had a deep frown.

‘Nothing.’ You shook your head. ‘Just thinking.’ Phil didn’t look entirely convinced, he didn’t have a chance to say anything though, because the food came and you left the take away to head back to base. ‘So, what’s next on the agenda? Any more inhumans on the map?’

Phil shook his head. ‘No, surprisingly nothing of note. Unless anything comes in, all senior staff are getting a day off tomorrow. We could all do with a rest while it’s at least a little bit quiet.’

‘I’m sure everyone will appreciate that.’ You agreed, running your thumb over his as you continued walking towards the last junction. ‘What are your plans for your day off?’

‘Well, I was kind of hoping I’d get to spend time with my wife and try to make up for my three year absence.’ Phil smiled down at you. ‘But she’s got this big secret project going on that might interfere with that.’

You laughed a little and looked away. ‘I’m sure you can convince her to leave it for a day.’ You looked back to see Phil raising his eyebrows at you.

‘What do you think the Chinese is for?’ He shot back and for a moment, you let your laughter get the better of you, just feeling your face set into an unfamiliar shape, but it felt so good. Phil pulled you closer to wrap his arm around your waist and kissed the top of your head. ‘Thank you for coming out.’ He said, quietly. ‘It meant a lot to me.’

You looked up into his soft blue eyes and smiled. ‘I’m sure I could do it again if you asked me.’ You told him and watched his smile widen just a little.

You got back to the base and Phil took you to his office to eat. He had put his music on and you talked about old times. You talked about Tony and Pepper and how much you missed them and how much you wish you could go back and see them and tell them you were fine, tell them you got married and tell them how you even had a drink while you were away. It was at that point, Phil poured you half a whiskey from his stash and you drank with him until it was time for you to go to bed.

‘I could…’ You stopped, before realising that you were allowed to ask. ‘I could stay with you again tonight?’

‘I’d love you to.’ He smiled and took your hand to lead you up to his room again. ‘Do you mind if I take a quick shower? I’ve had a long day.’ Phil crinkled his nose and you shook your head chuckling slightly. He picked up his towel and went into the bathroom while you grabbed one of his t shirts as you normally did and sat in bed, waiting for Phil to finish. 

Something caught your eye in one of the drawers on Phil’s bedside table. You didn’t want to pry, but it was capturing your curiosity. Carefully you slid the drawer open and realised it was a comic book, it looked old and you were careful not to tear it or damage it in anyway. You could hear the shower coming to a stop, but couldn’t find the will to put the comic down. You knew Phil liked Captain America, but somehow you had overlooked just how big a part he had played in Phil’s childhood.

‘I see you’ve found my secret stash.’ Phil said from the door of the bathroom. You turned to see him grabbing a t shirt and going to put it on. ‘You look disappointed.’ He chuckled once he was dressed.

‘Maybe a little.’ You shot back and Phil slipped into bed next to you, draping his arm over your shoulder and letting his fingers drift over the skin on your arm.

‘My dad got that for me when I was nine, right before he died.’ Phil explained. ‘It was a reward for helping him fix up Lola. I’d had my eye on that particular one and a couple of trading cards for a while and I was so happy when I got them finally.’

‘That’s nice.’ You thought about a nine year old Phil being so happy that he got his comic and it put a warmth in your heart. 

‘I always thought I’d have kids.’ Phil suddenly said, he was reading through the comic with you, but it was obvious his mind was wandering. ‘Maybe only two, but it would have been nice to have a family.’

‘Maybe one day?’ You looked over at him and saw a sadness in the corner of his eyes, he quickly covered it up with a smile and you wondered what it was he was thinking.

‘Maybe one day.’ He said and pressed a light kiss to your cheek. You decided to put the comic away, you could read it any time, but you only had this time with Phil. You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips that had him humming his approval.

‘What brought that on?’ He asked as you pulled away slightly.

‘I just wanted to kiss you.’ You shrugged. Phil just chuckled and pressed a soft kiss back, sliding his warm hand along your jaw and stroking his thumb over your cheek. You parted your lips slightly and once again Phil took it as his cue to map out the inside of your mouth, he was so delicate with you and you loved it, but for some reason you found yourself wanting more. You felt Phil slowing down and eventually pulling away, his soft blue eyes looking over your face to check you were okay. ‘I don’t want you to stop.’ You whispered and Phil almost looked alarmed that you say such a thing.

‘I don’t have to. I can keep going if that’s what you really want?’ Phil needed to check you really did want him to keep going.

‘Make love to me Phil.’ You begged and Phil let his breath go, pressing his lips to yours gently and breathing you in, you felt him sucking gently on your bottom lip; his tongue carefully delved into your mouth and you hummed against him. You felt his resistance though, something was stopping him going any further.

‘Do you…?’ He started, before swallowing and starting again. ‘Do you really want this? Do you want me?’

You couldn’t quite believe he was asking that question. ‘Phil, I want you. I want to be with you.’

Phil smiled and stood up to take his t shirt off, he was still your handsome strong man. He was everything you knew you loved, kind, considerate and incredibly sexy. You stood up with him, but didn’t quite have the confidence to take your t shirt off, you would need his help for that. You did, however, find yourself tracing over his hard stomach and chest and feeling his hands wrap around your hips.

You let your hand drift over his scar as if it wasn’t even there and for a moment Phil flinched, but soon moaned into your hand. You gently pressed your lips to it and felt the vibrations of Phil’s low voice.

‘I have to see you.’ He whispered into your hair and you felt the confidence you needed to let him lift your t shirt up so that the both of you were just in your underwear and nothing else. ‘You’re so beautiful.’ Phil said and you felt his hands drift up your sides, swiftly spinning you around so that your back was pressed against his chest and his lips pressing into your neck. You moaned into him and took in just how good it felt to have Phil against you again.

You felt his hand drift down to just above your underwear and pull you closer, you could feel how hard he was for you and let out a deep moan. His lips kissing and sucking your sensitive skin. ‘Phil.’ You breathed and he slowed down for just a moment.

‘Is this okay?’ He whispered, unsure if it was too much.

‘More than.’ You breathed back. 

Phil spun you back around and kissed you deeply, sliding his hands down and lifting you around his waist. You could feel his hardened length pushing against you in all the right places. Phil placed you down on the bed and again pushed himself against you, forcing a moan from your throat. His mouth found your lips, your jaw, your neck and your chest all over again, you could feel him carefully licking and sucking on your nipples, making you arch your back with the overwhelming pleasure.

You could sense his confidence as he began placing a series of light kisses over your scar and ran your hand through his hair, loving that you didn’t flinch when he did it, instead you felt the love, you felt normal and real. You didn’t hate yourself at that moment and it took Phil Coulson kissing away your pain to do it. 

He came back up to kiss your lips and you found yourself gently pushing his briefs away. Phil chuckled against your mouth, but didn’t try to stop you instead standing up and doing the rest of the work for you, you remembered his hips, the way they made you feel, the warmth that crept up your chest and flooded your cheeks.

‘There she is.’ Phil said, smiling, noticing your nervousness and smiling down at the woman he married. ‘I won’t hurt you, I promise.’ He said, grazing his lips over your hip bones and slowly peeling away your underwear. You watched as Phil traced his tongue lightly over your scar, you let out a deep moan that came from low in your chest and opened your eyes in time to see Phil smiling down at you. ‘I love you so much.’ He whispered as his lips grazed over yours again, before you felt him grazing over your centre, waiting for you to let him know it was okay.

You slipped your hand up to run through his hair and gently pulled him down to deepen the kiss. Phil moaned hungrily into you just as he pushed his length all the way inside you. There was a moment where you both stopped and just felt each other, Phil’s eyes were just about black and you suddenly felt yourself wanting him more than ever.

‘Phil.’ You breathed and he got the point that you wanted him to move at first it was slow and concentrated, like he was afraid to break you, but truthfully, you felt gloriously stretched and so loved. 

‘Sweetheart.’ Phil’s lips drifting over your jaw as he began thrusting in just a little deeper, you could feel the intensity building in the pit of your stomach. ‘Come for me.’ Phil whispered and you felt your back arch underneath him as the ball of energy became more and more frantic until finally, it exploded inside of you and you came crashing down gracefully with Phil following close behind. 

You both took a moment to catch your breath and just feel Phil slowly pulling out of you. You didn’t let him go far though, you leaned over and kissed him deeply. ‘I love you.’ You whispered and looked down at his soft blue eyes. Phil’s hand came up to stroke your cheek and you finally felt real again, like everything just slotted into place and all the pain and anger from the three years apart no longer mattered. You were together and you had a chance to be happy again.


End file.
